


Can you hear my heartbeat?

by sinalpha



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ASL, Accidents, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Coma, Deaf Character, Defying Fate, Fighting for love, Guilt, Ice Skating, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Our dearest Vitya has guilt attacks, Please Don't Hate Me, Struggle, Victor is trying to get over it, Yuuri has a big accident, but what is more exiting then drama??, you get fluff!, you want fluff?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-10-03 06:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10238465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinalpha/pseuds/sinalpha
Summary: Victor and Yuuri didn't speak after their fight over retiring.Victor was too busy being sad and Yuuri was too anxious to notice the change.But fate has never been a dear friend to them.In order to be together, they have to face everything, including themselves and their worst fears.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here is your captain speaking!
> 
> My name is Cinna and I will be your host through this fanfiction to Yuuri!!! on Ice. 
> 
> And I am still new to the Yuuri on Ice fanfiction business. But I can write dramatic stories! I once made my English teacher cry and not because of bad grammar.  
> Please, do tell me if something is inappropriate or can be better. ❤️
> 
> So, please fasten your seatbelt. Lean back, take a katsudon and enjoy your stay.  
> Sincerely yours,  
> Cinna

Yuuri's P.O.V.:  
"After the finals, let's end this" I heard myself say. I slowly looked down to the ground, afraid to see Victor's reaction. What will he do? Will he be angry? Or disappointed? Or even sad? No, I don't want him to be sad! 

I am doing this for him! If he can start competing again, then retiring is the least I could do for him. I owe him this.

"You have done enough for me, Victor," I said, still not daring to look him in the eyes. "Thanks to you, I was able to give everything I had to my last season" I hoped he couldn't see my tears. I did not want this, I really didn't. But this was for Victor's sake.

It wasn't fair of him to quit skating to train me. The last eight months had been fun, but it would be more fun competing against him. Because now, I have changed. My feelings have changed. I couldn't bear being close to him without... We were not friends. Not only.

Victor was the one I really trusted. He had gone from the man I admired and fangirled about, to the man... I felt more than just friendship. Victor was far more than that. I had seen every side of him and I let him see every bit of me.

I slowly bent down. "Thank you for being my coach, Victor!" And then it happened. The worst scenario I had in mind, happened. My tears started falling down. I wanted to be smiling when I said this, but now... wait, my tears?

My head snapped up. His face was so close to mine. His hair was still wet and tears were running down his cheeks. Victor was crying. I had never seen him crying before.

"Victor" I gasped, trying to catch his eyes. But he did not look up. More tears made the way down his cheeks.

"Damn" He cursed. Yes, damn me! You are making it easier for me to let go of something, that kept me waking up every damn day. Ice skating was my life. But he had not finished yet. "I didn't thought Katsuki Yuuri would be able of such a selfish decision." He was right. I was selfish. I could not bear it any longer.

I raised my hand to wipe away his tears. He should not be crying. Not for someone like me. Victor Nikiforov was destined to greatness, not to bury himself in my anxiety. Victor's head snapped up and he slapped my hand away. I saw the ring glitter in the light. What have I done?

"What are you doing there?" He asked suddenly. I stared at him. I really screwed up. I had every possible scenario in my mind, but it didn't include Victor crying. None of them included Victor crying, because... Victor never cries. The only tears I had seen him shed in the past few months, were the ones of joy. I was the one who was crying because I was scared.

My head began to spin. My ears hurt. I had trouble breathing. I was hyperventilating.

"You said it would only be until the Grand Prix Final! Victor, it ends tomorrow!" I finally cried out. Victor just closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I thought you would be asking me to stay longer. I thought you cared." And how I did! I cared about Victor more than I have ever cared about anything in my entire life!

"I hope you will think this decision over." He finally said and stood up. He did not look at me again, just walked over to his bed and switched off the light.

Victor's P.O.V.:

What the hell was he thinking? Did he even care? I thought we were friends.

I felt the mattress shift on the other side, but I did not turn around. I could not bear him seeing my face. 

Why did I care so much? We were friends. Deep inside, I had always known, that one day, I would stop being his coach and be back at competitions. But I never dared to think it would come so soon. Eight months. In the eight months we spent together, Yuuri has become the closest thing to a family I ever had. Of course, I still have my family, but I haven't seen them in a few years since I started traveling around the world for competitions. I envied Yuuri. He always carried a piece of family with him wherever he went. Sometimes, his sister would even come to encourage him.

In the past eight months, Yuuri has become my family. We were always together and it seemed so simple. It was so simple that it hurt now. If you have something for your whole life and suddenly lose it, just then you will recognize how much it mattered to you.

I had so much fun with Yuuri. He was such a cute and kind human being, I am grateful to know him. In the past eight months, I really got to know him. I knew every single detail about him. About his anxiety, his fears of never being enough, his love for katsudon and ice skating.

So, how will this work now? He just runs away to let me shine again? As if I would let this happen! He was young and of course he had doubts. I had them too, but it will all end! Yuuri too will one day shine, just as I have. That day, he will let everyone see his true eros.

His true self. The one I fell for. God, what was this feeling?

I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry.

I was heartbroken.


	2. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is not feeling well at all and Victor is having a serious talk with Yakov...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your captain speaking!
> 
> First, thank you so so so soooooo much for reading this story!  
> (I mean for choosing our flight.)
> 
> We are experiencing turbulences at the moment. Please, fasten your seatbelt. Our crew and me included will gladly help you in the case of any needs or further information.
> 
> Thank you very much, over.

Yuuri's P.O.V:

Something was ringing really loudly. I buried my face in the pillow to stop the noise from coming. What the hell was it? It hurt my ears. What time was it? 

I reached out to the nightstand only to find an empty pillow there. What? I slowly opened my eyes a bit and immediately shut them. The light was too bright. I reached out to the other side and found my phone lying there. The display was too bright too. What was happening? 

My eyes still hurt and my ears were ringing. Every muscle in my body ached. Was I getting sick? Please no! This was my last competition and I could not possibly be sick for it! This wasn't happening! I had to get up. The competition would be in a few hours. 

I had to get through it and then I could be sick for weeks if I could survive this now. I hoisted myself out of the bed and crap, my head was spinning like a merry-go-round. I staggered to my bag and rummaged trough everything to find an aspirin and a paracetamol. I grabbed a bottle of water and swallowed both pills. 

Then, I just sat on my bed staring at nothing precisely. I would make it. I would not stay until the results were announced and come back to the hotel. Maybe I was just too nervous or I caught a flue. Everything would be alright then. I just had to skate my free program and then I could let go of everything and rest. That's it! Just a few hours. 

Victor's P.O.V.:

I sat across from my old coach, Yakov. At the same time, Yurio shot me death glares. It wasn't exactly his fault, that I was stealing his coach now. I didn't plan myself to continue competitions so soon again. 

"So, now you want me to be your coach again? Enough playing the coach, Victor?" He asked and raised an eyebrow. 

"Maybe I was just destined to be a skater my whole life" I winked and smiled. I had never stopped being a skater. I really wanted to help Yuuri, I really did. So I will respect his decision although I didn't like it. 

"And what happens to the pig now? Does he skate without a coach?" Yurio spat out. He was definitely not a morning person. I grinned. Maybe coffee would help him?

"No, he is retiring" I announced. Yurio shot from his chair and braced himself on the table, spilling the coffee. Hey, he had coffee and didn't drink it? 

"He is what?!" Yakov and my blond teammate shouted at the same time. I shrugged. So I wasn't the only one surprised. At least something. They both thought him of serious concurrence too.

"What the hell have you done, old man?" Yurio asked and shot me a death glare again. Why was he asking me? And why was he calling me an old man? I wasn't that old! Okay, given I was near twice his age... I still was not old! 

"He chose retiring so I could compete myself" I sighed and shook my head. The tiny Russian sat down but did not stop glaring at me. What the hell have I done to him? I did want to skate again but this price was too high for Yuuri to pay! Anyway, it was not up to him to pay the price. 

"And when do you plan on announcing this?" Yakov asked sincerely. 

"After the Grand Prix Final has ended" I immediately replied. I had time to think about it during the whole night. I did not get much sleep, mainly because Yuuri was crying in his sleep and stirring. Once, he kicked his whole blanket down and I had to get it up and cover him or he would catch a cold. A few hours later, I had fallen asleep, but it had grown hotter. He had his blanket kicked on me. The poor boy had been too nervous. And I had been too harsh. I wanted to apologize, but he did not wake up. He had been haggard and too tired to respond, so I had let him sleep in, so he could be in best form today.

I wanted him to win gold, I truly wanted. I promised him to get married after it and I would kiss the gold medal. And maybe something else. So he needed to win. 

Suddenly, it became really loud outside. I shot Yakov a questioning glance. He shrugged. The voice of the moderator came from the speakers. I looked at my watch, shocked. It was already that late? I didn't see Yuuri the whole morning and now he was supposed to perform? 

I bid goodbye to Yurio and Yakov then sprinted to the rink. JJ was already standing on the ice. I could spot Yuuri nowhere. I asked a few people, but no one had seen him. My heart stopped. Where was he? He was supposed to be here! 

Then, the curtain lifted and... he looked awful. Gorgeous but awful. Dark shadows were beneath his eyes and he looked haggard. He staggered slightly, but I supposed that was his nervousness. His blue costume clung to him like a wet coat. He should have let me do his hair. Strains of hair were hanging across his front, plastered. 

"Yuuri!" I called his name, but he didn't turn around. He was like a zombie in some creepy apocalypse movie. He moved near the rink and started warming up. This was bad. Really bad. 

Yuuri's P.O.V.:

I did not know how it happened, but I was dressed in my costume and off to the rink. JJ was performing, I supposed. Everything was a blur. The aspirin did help, but not for long. My luck, that I was performing in a few minutes. 

I focused on Victor. This would be my last performance with him as my coach. I would never disappoint him. 

Breathe. 

I made my way onto the ice. I felt like coming home after a long journey. 

I could make it. I was just nervous. The piano began playing and all insecurities fell off me. The first one.

Triple flip.

There were dark spots across my vision. My breath became shorter and every muscle began aching again. My head was spinning and suddenly I was so cold. 

Come on, katsudon! Don't you dare giving up right now! Not now! You made it this far!

Thank you, Victor, for taking me to this point. This performance is only for you. I will show you my love. This isn't the end. I will continue skating with you if you still wanted. 

Quad Salchow.

Landed. My head spun and my legs shrieked in protest, but I could not bother anymore. This was a competition. I had to ignore all my little complaints now! This did not matter! All that matters was my last competition. 

So please, Victor, don't you dare take your eyes off me. This very performance is only for you. 

The last combination. 

I would make it! Only a few more! But the dark spots increased and nearly clouded my complete field of view. My legs were numb. I was unable to think. My heart sunk. What will happen now? I couldn't remember my step sequence anymore! Then the last jump. It was the only thing I could focus on. Victor's signature move. The world began to fade. I stretched my arms out to save the last bit of balance and to take off the last jump. 

Come on! You can do it! The very last jump! Get yourself together, katsudon! Make Victor proud! Show the world your love! 

Quad flip.

Everything blacked out.


	3. Stay with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your captain speaking! 
> 
> Please do not hesitate to address me all the questions you have after this experience. 
> 
> (Thank you again for all those kudos and comments! I love you all!)
> 
> xx Cinna

Victor's P.O.V.:  
I felt myself running toward Yuuri. I didn't know what happened exactly, but he was lying on the ice, lifeless. I was next to him within seconds and hoisted him up in my arms. And freaking hell, he was burning hot!

"Yuuri?" I shouted and cupped his face with my hands. My hands felt sticky. I didn't dare move my hands away, afraid to see what caused the stickiness. He didn't respond. "Hey! It's Victor! Can you hear me?"

Still no response.

His right leg was twisted on a painful angle. 

"Call an ambulance!" Someone shouted from the staff. I pinched Yuuri's cheeks, a failed attempt to get him awake. Adrenaline was rushing through me and my heart was pounding against my chest. I just hoisted Yuuri up and pressed him against my chest. I rocked back and forth with him on the ice. Please, please be all right. 

A few minutes later, I heard the sirens of the ambulance. A few paramedics ran in with a stretcher. I was forced to move away from Yuuri. My hands shook violently. There was blood on my hands. So much blood, Yuuri's blood. A paramedic grabbed my arm and forced me up. I followed in in trance. No one was taking Yuuri away from me. Whatever happened, I wanted to know it.

In the ambulance, they immediately put an oxygen mask on my mouth and nose and gave me a tranquilizer. Yuuri lay there, unmoving. They had fixed him to the stretcher and were bandaging his head. I packet of ice was put on his head to cool down his fever and calm the wounds. The paramedics had asked me about a few things I could not recall properly. They said it was probably just a concussion, but they could not explain the heat.

When we arrived at the nearest hospital, a whole team was already waiting outside for us. The nurses took over and pulled the stretcher out.

"One, two, three!" One of them yelled as they moved Yuuri from the stretcher to the hospital cot and immediately settled a few machines on Yuuri. Just to be sure, a nurse had explained to me.

A doctor came, examined him briefly and ordered him to the nearest emergency room. The nurses pushing the hospital cot veered and directed to the emergency room.

The doors slammed shut and a few doctors rushed in and a few nurses ran out.

"We're losing him!", someone yelled. I froze. I had no idea that a concussion could be this serious. Someone put a comforting hand on my shoulder. It was the previous doctor.

"Come with me" She smiled and pushed me forward. I could do nothing but follow her. We entered a room that looked like a living room, were it not so messy. "I apologize for the mess, but we doctors don't have much time to rest." She explained und shrugged. I took a seat on a sofa and watched her as she brewed coffee. She handed me a cup and switched on the TV on the wall, then grabbed a tissue and handed it over. I cleaned the blood from my hands. 

"Please, connect me with the EM3" She dialed a number on her phone and spoke softly. Then the screen showed an emergency room with a far too familiar figure on it. A doctor shouted an order.

"Broad-spectrum antibiotic! Quickly!" The nurses began rushing out of the room. The doctor ordered to turn him to the side. A nurse grabbed a big syringe and plunged it into his back. 

"What are they doing?" I screamed and stood up.

"Spinal fluid extracted" The nurse responded on the screen. I looked over at the doctor. What the hell does that mean? What is spinal fluid?

"Calm down! They are just making tests" She explained to me and forced me to sit down. I observed the doctors again. They turned Yuuri back on his back and shouted a few orders which I didn't understand. The nurse with the gruesome big syringe ran out of the room.

Suddenly, there was a loud beep.

"Defibrillator ready!" Another nurse shouted and handed the instruments to the doctor nearest to her.

"Everyone stand back!" The doctor shouted back und smashed the defibrillator onto Yuuri's chest. His body bent then the heartbeat was constant again.

The nurse from before came back and shouted a few words that were too hard to understand.

"Ampicillin 12 grams! Ceftriaxone 4 grams! Penicillin infusion through the veins!" A doctor ordered. My heart began pounding too fast. Those were antibiotics, that much I knew.

"What does he really have?" I demanded. This was too serious to be a concussion.

"Ever heard about meningitis?" My heart stopped and my jaw probably dropped open but I could not believe it. Meningitis? Yuuri? My Yuuri? How was this possible? "Did he flew with the plane recently?" She asked. I nodded and bent my head. This was my fault for not noticing.

"This is my fault" I looked at the doctor, my eyes stinging. "I am his coach and I did not notice!" She stood up and walked over to me. She then crouched in front of my and looked at me seriously.

"Now is not the time to be engulfed in guilt. You have to tell me everything to save his life" She urged me to stand up.

I glanced at the screen and my breath was caught. The doctors left the room and the nurses were packing up everything. The defibrillator was tidied up and the infusions were unplugged and stored. The room emptied except for Yuuri. The doctors and nurse had left. All the machines were gone. The room was silent. Nothing moved, not even Yuuri.

My heart dropped. There was no one except for Yuuri on the screen. I had seen scenes like this before on TV. This meant one thing. One possibility. A possibility I had never thought about. I felt dizzy and my vision was a blur. My breaths stuck in my throat.

He is dead.

I needed fresh air. My hands trembled heavily as I lifted them to open the door. The doctor was suddenly in front of me and grabbed my shoulders, but I pushed her away. I needed air!

"Someone stop him!", somebody shouted.

I slammed the door open and was in the corridors which felt too narrow and too crowded. The ceiling was crushing me. The lights were a blur. I was drowning. Air was being pressed out of my lungs. People rushed out of my way.

Suddenly, something hard connected with my face. Someone grabbed my arm and then a sharp sting followed. Everything blacked out.

I woke up in a hospital room. I hated hospitals. The walls were weighing down on me and breathing was hard. Next to me, on a chair, sat... Yakov? And stand on the other side was Yurio? What the hell? 

Seeing me have woken up, Yakov yelled at Yurio: "You incompetent idiot! I told you, you hit him too hard!" I looked from one to another. What was going on? Then I remembered.

Yuuri.

"You know there is still hope, right?" Yurio questioned and raised an eyebrow. I shook the head, unable to hear it. How dare he to talk about hope? Yuuri was dead!

"Hope for?" I asked, anger tingling in my voice. Yurio shrugged.

"The pig will wake up, you know that right?" She shook his head and glared at me. What? He will wake up? Was I dreaming?

"But, he is dead! I saw the doctors leave and the nurses pack up everything!" I screamed. Yurio's eyes were gigantic and Yakov's jaw dropped open.

"I am sorry for the syringe." The doctor from before entered the room and apologized. I glared at her. Right, after something connected with my face, there was a sting.

"He is dead isn't he?" I yelled at her, hoping she would deny it, but there was no denying. I blinked a few times in response.

"The doctors put him into an induced coma. The meningitis was too dangerous to leave him awake. His body needs time to recover. He is currently in the ICU." She explained to me and my heart skipped a beat.

Yuuri was alive!

Hell, he was put into a coma, but he was alive!

"But why did the doctors leave?" I wanted to know. She showed me a piece of paper.

"The emergency team left and the ICU team takes over. I am now his doctor. Please, calm down. Nothing serious happened." She smiled and nodded at Yakov and Yurio.

After they left, the doctor explained a few details of meningitis to me and left me too. I took out my phone. Various twitter notifications were displayed on the screen.

**Yuuri Katsuki! The great fall!**

**The tragic accident on ice!**

**The finals begin with an injury, a bad omen for the ice skaters?**

I nearly threw my phone against the wall, until I noticed a few missed calls and messages from familiar numbers. There were a lot from our fellow skaters, especially from Phichit, but there were 27 missed calls from one and the same person I needed to answer. I quickly dialed the number and hoped that the person was not sleeping right now.

The person took the call after the third ring. "What the hell, Nikiforov!" The person spat my name out like a curse.

"I am sorry, Mari" I whispered, struggling to hold back the tears. No one had blamed me for it, but instead, I had bottled up all the guilt. And now, Yuuri's sister actually yelled at me. I was relieved. It was my fault all along. Now, eventually, someone blamed me for it.

"Hm? You better be sorry for not picking up my calls!" She yelled back. I closed my eyes. She was blaming me for not checking my phone and not what happened to her brother. "And what is wrong with Yuuri? Did he break his leg?" She did not know, did she? Of course, how would she?

"The physical injuries are... okay, I would say. The doctors said nothing about it. But, he has been put into a coma due to meningitis"

Silence.

Then, "Are you okay?" She asked softly. I wanted to scream. Why was everyone worried about me?

"Mari, I am not the one with an infection!" I slammed my free hand into the bed.

"Yes, I know, but I cannot ask Yuuri. Please do me a favor and take care of yourself! Yuuri will wake up and if he finds out that you keep blaming yourself for something you could not know, he will be disappointed!" She had a good point.

"What do we do now?" I asked for her advice. She sighed.

"Don't tell my parents. They will freak out and they will come with the next best plane. I will tell them when everything back to normal. So I will be the one taking the blame. And for you," She paused. "Do what you do best. Do it for Yuuri." Then she bid me goodbye and hung off.

What I do best.

Being a good coach was definitely not one of the things I do best. But there was something else I could do for him.

I dialed a number.


	4. What really matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has a big announcement to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is your captain speaking!  
> I hope you had a good time during the turbulences. The sky is calm right now. Our crew wants to thank you for your cooperation and has chosen a song for you.  
> It's called Fucking Perfect, by P!ink. It will be played in the following minutes.  
> Plus, if you want to get to know your captain, she is on Tumblr as victor-physikorov. (Yes, she came to that name due to a typo xD) For any further questions, her ask box is open 24/7. (She has actually no life)

Victor's P.O.V.:

The ice showed my reflection. I am Victor Nikiforov, the 5-time gold medalist. I am a proud figure skater.

I am a heartbroken man.

Figure skating is my everything.

Yuuri is my everything.

I skate to impress the public.

I skate to escape reality.

It's been one week since Yuuri was put into the ICU. I could not visit him, the doctors had forbidden it. I had been at the hospital every day, watching from outside. His meningitis was still highly infectious and dangerous. I had once worked up the guts to ask Yuuri's leading doctor, Emilia, about the consequences of meningitis. She had told me not to worry too soon. Maybe there would be no consequences. I had asked her if he could be skating subsequently, but she had just smiled and told me that we had to hope for the best.

I had practiced every day. Skating was the only thing, that could calm me down right now. I often did it up to eight hours every day, which made Yakov yell at me. I felt... good while skating, but when I was alone again in the hotel room, I felt empty without Yuuri.

Today, I was going to announce my comeback. I felt slightly nervous, almost as I would betray Yuuri. I didn't get him to win the Grand Prix Finals, but I got him into a coma. I suppose that's what people call deception of fate.

I reached the press conference ten minutes too early. No one knew what this was really about. It wasn't about returning to competitive skating after nearly a year for fun, but making up for a fault that was due to my neglection.

I just stood behind the pedestal while the room was filling up. I clenched my left hand around my ring. Soon everything was silent and every pair of eyes was staring at me. I cleared my throat.

"I am returning to competitive figure skating in this Grand Prix Finals," I said. I saw several jaws drop open and had to bite my bottom lip to not laugh. A few hands raised immediately.

"Whose scores are you going to use? Not in case you need any scores, for you are the famous Victor Nikiforov, but just in case?" A female reporter asked.

"I spoke with the organizers and we agreed, that I am going to finish Yuuri's free skate program. It won't count, but it is marking my comeback for next season. Also, it will set a score for the other finalists to try to top." I explained and smiled. She scribbled my answer down and sat down.

"What happened to Yuuri Katsuki? We haven't heard of him for a week" A male journalist for a sports magazine stood up and asked.

"Well, I suppose you all saw the accident" Everyone nodded concerned. "But I can ensure you, he is well now. He's broken a leg, but it's okay. He is returning next season." I lied. That's what I had hoped it was. A few reporters cheered and clapped. Don't you dare say again no one cares about you, Yuuri Katsuki!

The press conference was over after one hour and I was exhausted from the questions they had asked. There were things no one should know about us. Besides, if they kept asking, I would probably be crying by now. There were things, I wanted Yuuri to be the first to know when he woke and not hearing it from the whole world talking.

I returned to the hospital after the conference and stood outside the ICU room. I put a hand on the glass. Infusions were connected to Yuuri's arms. The heart monitor showed constant curves. I could hear the steady beeps from outside the glass, that separated us.

I knocked slightly on the glass. Though he could almost certainly not hear me, I had to show him I was here. I am always here, Yuuri, for you are my world.

 

"You are seriously skating his free skate?" Yakov asked, unbelieving. I nodded. "Does this have any... emotional meaning for you?" The answer was 'yes' again. I was skating the program Yuuri never managed to finish. When I finish this, everything comes full circle.

"Just leave him, old man!" Yurio stood up to my defense. I smiled gratefully at him. He snorted. "You and the pig. I will never understand what you two have with each other" He shook his head and left.

Yakov still looked skeptic, but he eventually agreed. Our training would begin tomorrow. I hugged him happily and ran outside. I had announced my comeback two days ago and the internet had exploded. Paparazzi were everywhere and I had to disguise myself to hide from them. I had nothing against being famous, I was used to it, but I did not want them to know what happened to Yuuri. He was still in the coma. I had seen him every day in the morning and came back after training to stay until visiting time was over.

Today, he would be released from the ICU and moved into a room for comatose patients. I was so relieved. He was getting better indeed. He had been on specific antibiotics for four days and now, he wasn't in danger anymore.

I could finally see him, sit next to him and hold his hand. I had missed him during the few days. It was just then, I had realized, that we had not been separated for the last eight months. It was incredible how much he could mean to me.

I arrived at the hospital at five o'clock. The elevator took me to the sixth floor. Yuuri's room was the second last one on the right. The sight still sent shivers down my spine. An oxygen mask covered his nose and mouth and was connected to a CPAP-machine. The cardiac monitor was beeping constantly. Infusions hung beside the bed and were connected to his arms.

I pulled a chair next to Yuuri's bed and sat. He looked so frail and haggard. I took his hand in mine.

It was cold.

I pulled the covers back and cloaked him again. This time, I made sure his arms were under the blanket. I took his hand again and began tracing circles on the back of this hand. I felt the ring there.

"You idiot" I sighed. "Only causing me trouble! Which extremely stupid human being goes skating with meningitis? Oh, wait, you." I patted his hand. "As your coach, I should let you run back to Hasetsu, but right now..." I stopped myself. What was I going to say anyway? He could not even hear me.

I want to kiss you.

I shook my head. I just wanted him to wake up so we could have fun together. That were the moments I would exchange for nothing in the world. All the fun we had! Those memories were precious to me! Maybe I should just keep talking to him and say, what I always wanted to say.

"You silly boy, lying around while I'm working my ass off. Oh, I forgot to tell you! I am skating your routine, hm-hm. Sounds nice, right? I am really excited! I mean, you did it brilliantly, but maybe I can still top this?" I wanted him to surprise me once again by waking up on the point, but the heart monitor showed no change. He wasn't awake and I was rambling like a madman. I glanced at the door. No one was there.

I bent down to Yuuri and put my forehead against his. "Please, wake up soon! I have to tell you something!" I whispered. My voice was a promise. An entreaty. A request for him to wake up. A prayer to stay with me. My world is shattering and I cannot lose him.

I sat down and started playing with his slender fingers. I didn't know what to tell him, but I didn't want to leave him either. So I started telling him about my day, my discussion with Yakov, what coffee beans I had this morning. Then I made a quick rewind to the day when I announced my comeback officially. I ended up telling him about every paparazzi I had fled from on the way to the hospital. Despite my disguise, which was apparently very poor, some paparazzi had found me. Well, then I had to make a quick, but fabulous, getaway.

I pictured Yuuri rolling his brown eyes at me right now. I was rambling nonsense. Yuuri would probably laugh at me or be really confused.

I stroked his hand. I missed him badly. I cleared my throat.

"Made a wrong turn once or twice. Dug my wary out blood and fire." I began singing suddenly. Why was I even doing this?

"Bad decisions, that's alright. Welcome to my silly life" I breathed in and sang along. Tears were rolling down my cheeks.

"Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, Miss, know it, it's all good. It didn't slow me down" Yuuri, this song is just for you. When I first met you, you were misunderstood. You were taken for weak, but you certainly are not. You are stronger than I am. I live in the light, but you survived the shadows.

"Mistaken, always second guessing. Underestimated, look I'm still around " Yuuri, no matter what happens, I will stay by your side, for my heart beats for you. Retiring or not, you won't get rid of me so easily. You had said you wanted to thank me for bringing you where you are now. But it is me, who has to thank you. You brought the light back to my world. Your life and love have taught me about a brand new world that I'd never known before. And for this, I am grateful. I am grateful to have met you in the first place, so please, wake up.

"Pretty pretty please! Don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect" Please wake up, Yuuri! I'm begging you! I mentally reached out for every god existing whose name no one remembered.

Please, please let my Yuuri wake up.

 

Two weeks passed and the Grand Prix Final came. Given that a few skaters had caught the flu during early January, the competition was held on the 11th of February. It was the day of my big comeback to the competitive skating world.

I had been training a lot in the past two weeks to get my former stamina back, but hell, Yuuri got way more than I got. It was simply impossible to perform the quad flip at the very end. This boy was mad! And he did it with even meningitis. The boy must have been blessed by more than one god for even surviving this!

I put the combinations all into the first half of the program and changed the step sequence a bit, but it will always be Yuuri's version of Yuri on ICE, that will leave me in awe. I might be a living legend, but this boy had taken it to another level.

I stepped on the ice. The feeling was familiar. The whole rink exploded. I raised my arms and skated toward the center. As I turned around, I saw something, that made my heart skip a beat.

The display of my phone was enlighted. I already saw Yakov running toward it to shut it off because it began ringing. The sound was deafening. Well, I forgot to disconnect it from the speakers. Silly me. In that moment, it was the sound, that my soul welcomed.

I skated towards the exit as fast as I could and snapped it out of Yakov's hand. I had seen the color from where I had stood in the rink. It was blue, the color of hope. It's the number of the hospital. I picked it up. The voice resonated through the whole rink.

"Mr. Nikiforov? It's Emilia. He's awake."


	5. My funny Valentine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your captain speaking! 
> 
> Our crew has prepared a little fluffy pillow and an even more fluffy movie for you. Enjoy!
> 
> Btw the captain had no life on Valentine's day and wrote this, but never published it.

Victor's P.O.V.:

I awoke to the delicious smell of pancakes. Was that maple syrup I smelled? Makkachin jumped on me and licked my face.

"Good morning, old boy!" I laughed, stroking his fluffy head. He barked in answer.

The next thing I saw was a tablet that peeped out of the doorway. The smell came closer. Yuuri came in holding the tablet. "Breakfast in bed, honey?" He asked, smiling and the bed dipped under his weight, then settled the tablet in my lap. He came closer and, brushing my fringe out of my face, he planted a slight kiss on my forehead.

"Where is the sugar? Oh please, Yuuri, tell me there is sugar!" I pout as I didn't see sugar on the tablet. There was maple syrup indeed, but no sugar. Instead, I saw whipped cream. I shot a quick glance at Yuuri only to see him still staring at me.

I reached for the can, shook it quickly and pointed it to my fiancé's face. Before he could react, there was whipped cream all over his hair.

"Victor!" He cried out, reaching for his hair. I laughed frantically and set the can back down. Yuuri looked so adorable when he was confused. My whole body shook with laughter and I had to hold the tablet with both hands to not kick it down.

PLATSCH!

I closed my eyes and tried to brush away the cream from my face, but was met instead with Yuuri's hand still holding the cream in place.

"That's not fair!" I mumbled, given the fact that Yuuri was fixing my lips with his pinkie.

"You began!" He protested, but then let go of my face. He grinned mischievously, took his hand away and licked the cream off his fingers.

Makkachin barked joyously and licked the whipped cream off my face. I laughed and leaned my head against the bed frame. Yuuri set the tablet aside and climbed under the covers. I sighed happily. He leaned his head on my shoulder and looked up to me. I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. He brushed his thumb over the back of my hand. I closed my eyes contently.

We must have dozed off, because when we woke up, Makkachin was sprawled on the floor, happily... eating MY pancakes! I wanted to yell at him, but then my gaze fell on Yuuri. He was now curled up in my lap. He looked so adorable when he was sleeping.

I brushed his hair tenderly. He always looked resplendent when he was skating, but right now, he looked so vulnerable. He is, I reminded myself.

Makkachin licked the rest of the whipped cream and then sat up. He winked at me and burped. I burst out in laughter, sending Yuuri jolting awake.

"Was I drooling?" He asked confused as hell and wiped his mouth. I patted his head and laughed.

"No! Of course, you weren't, honey! And even if, you would look adorable doing it!" I smiled at him and kicked the blanket away. I rolled over and took it with me. "Rise and shine!" I shouted and laughed. From Yuuri, I just earned a heavy ouf!. Hm? I turned around and saw no one on the bed.

"Yuuri? Where are you? Are you this fast?" I asked and walked over to the other side of the bed. There he was, lying on the floor, yawning.

"Don't ever do that again!" He threatened and got up.

"How did you..." I asked, confused. He rolled his eyes at me.

"There I was, lying peacefully in the blankets and you, the famous dork Victor Nikiforov, pulling the blankets I were in, away!" He stood straight, bowed at an invisible public and pointed to me with a wide gesture. "Victor Nikiforov, ladies, and gentlemen!" I stood there thunderstruck. I clenched my head in order to show a slight bow.

"You mean, you were rolled in like a burrito?" I asked him, just in case I got it wrong.

"I thought you knew that!" Yuuri looked at me dead serious. I blinked a few times. Did I? I laughed nervously. Yuuri cracked a laugh and smirked. He took a step toward me and wrapped his arms around me. " What do you want to do? Just pretend it's Valentine's day." He asked me gently and looked up up me.

I blinked a few times. What was it what I always wanted to do on Valentine's day? Everything I ever wanted was right in front of me. I shrugged and shook my head.

"Nothing special" I replied then. Yuuri raised an eyebrow?

"Nothing special?" He echoed. I nodded. "Then let's go for a walk." He decided then. With this, he left the room, Makkachin following him. I got dressed and then put on my coat. Yuuri was already waiting at the door. He looked like a snowman.

Makkachin ran happily in front of us while we decided to take a slow walk. There was no need to rush anyway. I felt watched, but when I turned around, there was no one. I probably didn't get enough sleep. My big poodles barked joyfully as we reached a dog park. A beagle and a German shepherd were already inside, playing. We greeted the couple with the dogs and then let Makkachin play with his fellows.

Yuuri and I stood on the side and observed Makkachin jumping and gamboling with his dog friends. The German shepherd tackled him to the ground and the beagle jumped around them. Yuuri and I had a great laugh.

After a while, we retrieved my poodle and walked home. Again, I felt watched. The I heard a click. I whirled around and saw someone disappear around the corner. I didn't think twice but ran after him. Unfortunately for him, he ran straight into a deadlock.

"Show yourself!" I shouted. The person slowly turned around and dropped his hood. My jaw propped open. "Phichit?" I glared. He grinned widely and took out his phone.

"Wow! You took quite long to acknowledge my presence!" He laughed. I heard footsteps and barks around the corner.

"Phichit?" He made that exact flustered look I had made. "What are you doing in St. Petersburg?"

"The question is what he is doing here, but what we are doing here." I turned around and thought I was dreaming. "Chris? What the hell?" What were they doing here?

"Hey! It's Valentine's day! We were just curious what you two lovebirds would be doing... with no one around." Chris winked and my jaw dropped. What did he think he would see?

"Anyway! Let's go to the karaoke bar!" Phichit grinned and shot a thumb up to Yuuri.

And this is how we landed in a karaoke bar, with Yuuri and me at the mic right now. How did I even get into this? They all requested us to sing Lion King soundtrack. Well, I had to go through it right? I called for Yuuri and told him what we were going to do.

"There's a calm surrender to the rush of day. When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away. An enchanted moment and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you." I sang and saw Chris grimace. I knew I could not sing, but this was now really heavy. Yuuri just laughed and carried along.

"And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far." Wow. Yuuri's voice was even more awful. I saw Phichit shake with laughter. His voice was hoarse and cracked in the high stages. 

"And can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest. It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best." They were probably going to murder us for this for we sang it together. Chris' grimace became even worse, but Phichit was busy filming and taking photos of us from every possible angle.

"And can you feel-" The music just stopped and the mic was muted. "Wait! So bad?" I asked, indignant. Chris just covered his ears with his hands and Phichit just laughed his head off. Yuuri tapped me on the back. I started laughing too. The situation was just too hilarious!

We all ate together and then we bid goodbye to them. I had something I had to show Yuuri. We left Makkachin with them and went to my personal place.

We stood side by side on the Potselueva Bridge. I tenderly held Yuuri's hand. The riverbank was illuminated beautifully. Yuuri stared out to the frozen river in awe.

"Why didn't you show me this earlier?" He asked, still fascinated and turned around. My eyes met with his brown ones. I smiled gently. His eyes reflected the light and made it look like a laterna magica. I lifted my hand and put it on his cheek. Yuuri' eyes widened in surprise, but then he snuggled up to my hand and closed his eyes. He blushed slightly.

"You are beautiful, have I told you this?" I asked softly and smiled. He looked like an angel to me. I wrapped my arms around him and leaned against the railing.

"Tell me again." He requested and I felt him smile against my chest. My heart pounded. I pushed him slightly away to look into his eyes.

"You are perfect to me, Yuuri Katsuki." I said and Yuuri blushed heavily. My lips curled into a smile and I embraced him again.

"How did I deserve someone like you?" I heard him mumble against my coat.

"You deserve the best. Only the best." I responded, caressing his hair.

"Narcissist!" He cried out and laughed. I just hold him firmer, afraid to lose him. We just stood there, both lost in their own thoughts. No words were needed. The moment was perfect.

When it grew colder, we went back to my apartment. We hung up our coats and sat on the couch. I immediately reached for Yuuri's hand only to find his searching for mine too. I closed my hand around his and leaned back.

"This is the best day of my life." I confessed and closed my eyes. The day was tiring, but it was the best day ever.

"The day hasn't ended yet." Yuuri stated. I looked at him flustered.

What do you mean?" Yuuri smirked knowingly and ran out of the room. I sat on the couch, confused.

When he came back, he was packed with blankets, pillows and a stuffed bear.

"What is this?" I asked and shook my head laughing.

"You know exactly what this is!" He replied and put everything on the ground. I grinned.

"Blanket fort!" We both exclaimed and laughed. I immediately launched myself on a pillow and pulled it up to my chest. Yuuri began building the fort with the blanket. He lay one end of it on the couch and then pulled the coffee table closer. He decided on something else rather than the coffee table. He pushed to chairs into the living room and stretched the ends of the blanket to the chairs. Then he put some other blankets on both sides and one on the ground. He ran out again to gather a few more pillows and threw them all on the ground.

"Wait!" I cried out and crawled out of the fort. I grabbed some popcorn, crisps and baby carrots and came back with the food. Yuuri was already lying on a pillow and grinned satisfied. I put everything down and crawled under the blanket. I turned on my back and stared at the blanket that served as a roof.

"This," I pointed to the roof. "Is the best thing ever! You're a genius, Yuuri!" He never failed to surprise me. The blanket fort was the cutest thing ever. He grabbed a baby carrot and shoved it into his mouth. I picked up a handful of popcorn and began eating them.

"Victor?" He asked with his mouth still full of carrots. "How are babies made?" I nearly choked on my popcorn and began coughing. Yuuri's eyes widened and he slapped me on the back in order to help me. I swallowed the popcorn down and looked at him flustered. He just laughed. My face must be red like a tomato because it felt so hot and not only because I nearly choked.

"I don't know" I answered and grinned. Now, it was Yuuri's turn to look confused. "But you should go ask the adults! They always make that funny face when you ask it and they stutter like hell!" Yuuri exploded with laughter. I joined him after containing my serious look for a while.

We lay there for a while in silence, holding hands. Then Yuuri turned around to me. "Sing something to me." He requested. I looked at him, flustered.

"But I just sang at the karaoke bar." I protested. He put a finger to my lips.

"Sing something just for me. No showing off this time," He added. "Please." With this, I could not say no. How could I ever say no to him? I cleared my throat.

"Made a wrong turn once or twice. Dug my way out blood and fire." Yuuri's eyes lit up. He looked at me like I was the most magic thing in the world.

"Bad decisions, that's alright. Welcome to my silly life" I sang along and looked him in the eyes. I smiled while doing so and then suddenly, Yuuri reached for my hand.

"Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, Miss, know it, it's all good. It didn't slow me down" Our voices ringed in resonance. A bright smile spread out on Yuuri's face. His eyes shone like two embers in the dark.

"Mistaken, always second guessing. Underestimated, look I'm still around" Yuuri raised his voice and led me.

"Pretty pretty please! Don't you ever ever feel like you're less than, less than perfect" My voice fell silent as tears rushed to my eyes. Yuuri carried the song for me. Then our eyes met.

"I remember. You sang this to me in the hospital." He said and squeezed my hand. He lifted the other hand and wiped my tears away that were now running down my cheeks. "Honey, it's fine now. Nothing happened." He tried to calm me down. The result: I only cried harder. He pulled me into an embrace and caressed my back. "Hey, it's not your fault!" He lay down with me and held me in his arms while I wept. He made soothing noises and held me tighter.

It was a relief for me. Yuuri was alright. He was well, healthy and happy. That was all I could ever ask for. He began humming my song. I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat.

"Happy Valentine's day." He whispered near my ear. I smiled. I let the steady sound of his heartbeat and the humming lead me into my world of dreams. 

 

I jolted awake and sat up straight, breathing heavily. The left side of my bed was empty. There were no blankets and no pillows. No Yuuri either. Right, this was the reality.


	6. If Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honorable readers, fellow authors, ladies, and gentlemen,  
> it is my honor to introduce you to another exciting chapter of this story.  
> After bimun in Budapest, I feel greatly inspired and made a lot of new friends. Also, I finally gained the confidence I lacked before.  
> To thank you all for your encouragement, I upload this chapter on a Thursday rather than on the usual Sunday.  
> Thank you very much for everything. I am open to any points of information.

The day before...

Victor's P.O.V.:

I stumbled off the ice and pulled my skates off like I had never done before. I shoved them into Yakov's arms and ran barefoot toward the changing rooms. Yakov grabbed my arm.

"Vitya! You can't do this! You have to set priorities!" He yelled at me. I pulled away and gritted my teeth.

" _He_ is my priority!" I shouted back. Yakov's jaw dropped open and he glared at me. Ignoring him, I can back to the changing room and put on my shoes and grabbed my coat while running outside. Yurio blocked the exit. "Move!" I yelled. I needed to get to Yuuri! He did as I told and took a step aside. Strange.

"The taxi is waiting. You are welcome." He grinned and opened the doors for me like a gentleman. I darted him a grateful glance and sprinted off into the taxi.

It took far too long go get to the hospital. Unfortunately, we got caught in a traffic jam. I cursed to myself. The driver turned around.

"The hospital is two blocks from here. Just go. I will charge the boy who called me." I didn't need to hear this twice. I pushed the door open and ran. A few cars honked, but I didn't care.

Yuuri.

I slammed the doors of the hospital open and immediately ran for the elevator. I had been here so many times I knew exactly where they were and which route was the shortest. I pushed the button for around eight times until the doors eventually opened. Sixth floor.

As the elevator beeped, I ran out and saw a few nurses in the corridor. Some smiled knowingly at me. Right, they already knew me. I opened the door of the last room on the right. My heart skipped a beat.

Yuuri sat there on the bed, looking towards the window.

"Yuuri?" I called and moved toward him. He still didn't look at me. Maybe he didn't hear me. He looked frail. I quickly went in front of him and smiled broadly at him. Yuuri eventually looked at me. A smile spread over his face.

"Victor!" He exclaimed. I threw my arms around him and hold him tight against my chest. He was well! All my worries were just gone. Yuuri was alright.

"I'm so sorry! I should never have pressured you! This is all my fault! If I had paid attention, then nothing would have happened! I am so so sorry! Please, forgive me!" I begged and suddenly the tears I had been holding back for a month ran down my cheeks. The fabric above Yuuri's shoulder became wet of my tears. Then, he slowly pulled away and looked into my eyes.

"What happened?" He yelled. I flinched. Ah yes, he was probably still hard of hearing. Being in the coma for such a long time must have sort of damaged his hearing, but he will recover soon, of this I was sure. But why didn't he answer my question? I was so close to him, but how could he not have heard it? Well, he just woke up. Let's give him some time!

"Well, you fell and then we called an ambulance! I was so worried about you! I felt so guilty! I would probably have killed myself if you didn't wake up again! Anyway! You were diagnosed with meningitis and they put you into an artificial coma so your body could recover on his own! Man, Yuuri! I had never ever been so scared!"I began rambling. Yuuri just looked at me flustered. Right, I was talking nonsense. I was just about to start off again as he parted his lips.

"Could you... please speak up? I can't hear you." He apologized and looked so confused that my heart hurt.

"Right. Sorry. So better?" I raised my voice and my eyes were probably asking a lot of questions, but Yuuri just shook his head.

"Maybe you can come closer? I still can't hear the difference." He requested shyly. I would say he was apologetic except for the yelling. I stepped closer and sat on the next, right next to him. "Thank you. Try again." He cracked a smile and winked.

"You have been put into a coma for your body to recover... can you hear me?" I began and then cut myself off. Yuuri blinked confusedly. "Wait here. I will get a doctor." I stood up and ran outside. "Emilia?" I shouted. The doctor just came out of a room and put a finger to her lips to silence me. I made an apologetic grimace.

"What's wrong? We haven't made any tests with him yet, but I thought I should tell you first." She explained and checked her files. She followed me to Yuuri's room. She raised a hand in greeting and came to Yuuri's bed.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him friendly and smiled. Yuuri smiled back but didn't answer. She looked down to her files. "My name is Emilia. I'm your doctor. You're 24, right? A professional figure skater. Any genetic diseases?" She asked, just looking at his files. Yuuri still didn't answer. Then he turned to me.

"Is she the doctor?" I asked him. Emilia turned around to me and a frown was deeply ingrained in her front.

"He isn't offending! He didn't hear me neither!" I quickly explained to her. She just shook her head then went outside and called a nurse. "Take him to an otologist. Something is not right at all with him.", she told me afterward. The nurses had prepared a wheelchair for Yuuri. I helped him out of the bed, he was really heavy right now.

"Sorry Victor, I can't move my legs like I want to." He murmured a quick apology. I just caressed his shoulder to reassure him. At least he was awake. He had to apologize for nothing.

A nurse showed us the way to the otologist. The male doctor was sitting in the room with a quite scary machine in the middle. It was an ear-nose-throat-chair, the nurse explained to us and handed Yuuri's file to the ENT specialist.

"Tell me about you, please." His eyes shone with kindness as he addressed Yuuri. His voice was crystal clear, quite loud and very articulated.

"Can you please repeat?", Yuuri asked timorously. The doctor held up his index finger and pointed to his lips.

"Try. To. Read." He said every word clearly and paused in between. Yuuri nodded. The doctor smiled. "What. Happened?" Yuuri shook his head again. The doctor just smiled encouragingly and repeated the question time after time for Yuuri to become familiar with it.

"I don't know what happened." Yuuri burst out. I looked at him in awe. Did he actually hear the question or did he lip read?

"He had meningitis-", I began, but the doctor cut me off.

"I know. I've read his files. It was just a test." I didn't understand. If this was just a test, then what was the purpose of exposing Yuuri to such pain by trying to get him lip read? "This is how he will do from now on." He explained to me. I still didn't understand. Yuuri will have to do this for a couple of days, but what was the purpose? It was a temporary hearing loss, right?

"His hearing organs have suffered from meningitis, which was originally an otitis, which wasn't immediately cured."

"Which means?"

"He is deaf." The world spun beneath my feet, I reached out to the wheelchair to reassure myself. Yuuri looked at me flustered.

"Excuse me?", I blurted out. Maybe I was just dreaming.

"Yuuri Katsuki is deaf. The infection damaged his hearing beyond repair. I am truly sorry.", the ENT specialist said apologetically and returned Yuuri's files to me. I grabbed the files. My hand was shaking heavily.

Deaf.

"Will he ever be hearing again? Is there a chance to recover some of his hearing?", I asked again and felt so guilty for not realizing immediately what was really going on with Yuuri. He hadn't been tired or mad that day, he was suffering. Oh God and the last thing he heard from me was how disappointed I was from him! This cannot be true!

"No hearing aid on earth will be able to help him, I am sorry. This damage is beyond repair." Then I remembered the probably most important question.

"Yuuri is a professional figure skater! When will he be able to-" I cut me off this time as I saw the doctor shaking his head.

"Almost certainly never. An infection of this extent does a lot more damage than taking away your hearing." He turned away, grabbed a paper and a pen and scribbled something on it. He held it up to Yuuri.

Please walk a few steps.

Yuuri put his hand on the arm of the chair and pushed himself up. I wanted to rush to support him, but the doctor shot me a warning glare. I bit my lip and held back. Come on, Yuuri. Show him you can walk.

Yuuri slowly raised his left foot. His leg remaining on the ground wobbled dangerously, then he put the left foot in front of the other. I loosened a breath I didn't remember I had been holding. Then he raised the other foot. His right leg gave in under him and he was falling. My heart dropped. The nurse caught him by the shoulders and pushed him back to his wheelchair. I immediately put my arms protectively around his shoulders.

"You see? I pledge to you he can surely regain his balance, but figure skating won't be able for a long time being. I hope you understand, that as a doctor, I have to put his health in first place. He might be a professional figure skater, but I cannot let him do that." The ENT specialist shrugged and stood up. He held his hand out to me. I shook his hand and nodded.

"Thank you for everything, doctor." I inclined my head in a sign of respect.

"I am sorry that I can't do more for him." He clasped my hand and then let go. I pushed the wheelchair out of the room. Yuuri suddenly put his hand on time and turned around.

"What happened?", he asked. I went around the and knelt down in front of him. The nurse handed over a pen and a paper. I looked at her confused.

"This is better for the beginning." She explained and left us. I scribbled down a few words.

Yuuri's P.O.V.:

The doctor and Victor both moved with no sound like they were ghosts floating across the room. Their lips were moving hastily, but I couldn't hear a sound. Then, Victor shook hands with the doctor and pushed me outside. I couldn't explain why I couldn't walk straight. It just somehow... felt like an impossible quest. I spoke out what I had been thinking of the whole time. I couldn't even hear my own voice.

What happened?

I knew I had said it. I felt my tongue and my lips moving into exact those words, but I was unable to hear them. What was wrong? Victor bent down and scribbled something on a piece of paper and then turned it around.

You are deaf.

I blinked a few times only to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I forced my voice to unheard words.

Pinch me!

Victor just shook his head and brought a hand to my cheek. Then he said something I was unable to follow. I wanted to punch myself. So I am deaf right now. I should have paid more attention to myself. There was something more important than competitions out there, but right now, I had only one single thought.

Victor's P.O.V.:

"Please don't tell my parents," Yuuri said in a hoarse voice. I could hear he was fighting to hold tears back, so I just hugged him. He shouldn't see my tears either. I felt so guilty about everything that happened. If I had just agreed to let him retire, maybe this wouldn't happen. If I had only paid more attention to him instead of being a drama queen.

"Victor, don't cry." Yuuri put his arms across my back and this very gesture comforted me like nothing else. "It's alright." How dare he say that? Nothing was alright! This was all my fault! Were it not for me, would he still be hearing and could be skating if he wanted. I pulled out of the embrace a took a step backward. I had to talk to someone. I quickly brought Yuuri back to his room and told the nurses to put him to sleep after I left. I covered him and caressed his forehead. I struggled to keep my smile. I was the one who should be comforting him, but instead, he was giving me strength. I bent down and planted a peck on his forehead.

After I had left, I wandered back to the hotel like a ghost. I pulled my phone out, dialed a number and waited for the correspondent to pick up. She did.

"Finally! I thought you were dead!" Mari's voice came from the reverse side.

"He is awake," I said.

"Great! I'm gonna call him right away! Bye-" I cut her off before she could do something stupid.

"Don't. He won't be able to pick up."

"I thought he was awake!"

"He is, but he is not gonna hear your voice."

Silence.

"What's wrong?" She asked after a moment of suffocating silence.

"He's deaf. I'm so sorry!", I shrieked and my eyes burned.

"Why? How could this happen?"

"Meningitis. It damaged his hearing organs beyond repair and also crippled his balance organs."

"Shit." I held my breath. Was she going to scream at me? Please do! "Don't tell my parents. I had been lying to them about Yuuri's health until now. I told them you two were in the Bermuda Triangle and not accessible." I frowned at her excuse. The Bermuda Triangle? Did she want us to die there? "Just lie low for the moment, I'm gonna handle my parents."

"Yuuri told me the exact same thing." Mari laughed.

"We're siblings, right? My mom is calling for me. Hold the line. Bye." With this, she hung off and left me alone in that dark hotel room.

I slowly lay down on my bed, buried my face in the pillow and cried myself to sleep.


	7. Fight Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Swallowing in self-pity right now? You are not serious, are you?!", he yelled at me. "Get your shit together, damn it! You want to call yourself the figure skating legend, you horse's ass?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to add me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/victor-physikorov)

Victor's P.O.V.:

I jolted awake, sweating heavily. By breath rattled and I shook with the hurt of deception. This wasn't real. I was dreaming all this. This, here in Barcelona, was the harsh reality. Yuuri is deaf and he didn't make pancakes for me. We weren't in my home in Saint Peterburg. 

I jumped out of my bed and ran to the bathroom where I splattered ice cold water across my face. I braced my hands on the sink and looked into the mirror. My reflection betrayed my exhaustion, the water ran down my face like tears. I brought a hand to my forehead and lifted my fringes. 

And there I was, lamenting myself while Yuuri was in the hospital wondering where I was, but the truth was, I was afraid to face him. I was unable to face the reality because this was my fault. Had I not been so inattentive, this would not have happened for sure. 

My phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. I wandered back to my nightstand and picked it up. Yurio? I slid on my display. 

"What the hell are you doing, old man?!", his angry voice thundered from the other side. I didn't answer. "Swallowing in self-pity right now? You are not serious, are you?!", he yelled at me. "Get your shit together, damn it! You want to call yourself the figure skating legend, you horse's ass?" The tiny Russian boy raged on the other side. God, I was glad he wasn't here right now. I was a hundred percent sure he would punch me right now. Maybe that was what I needed. "I thought you weren't weaker than the pig!" I dropped my phone to my bed. 

He was right. I was struggling with my guilt while Yuuri was fighting to keep comforting me! It should be the other way around! I was dressed in a minute and out of the hotel in two more. It was because of the elevator. If not, I would have been out in one. I desperately needed to see him!

When I entered the room, I was greeted with a quite... unpleasant sight. Phichit was sitting on Yuuri's bed, a laptop in his lap and music thundering through the room. They were laughing. Yuuri was actually laughing. 

I stood in the door frame and didn't dare to move. I recognized the music. It was Shall we skate from The King and the Skater, his favorite movie. Why was he watching it with Yuuri. Did he know...? 

"Victor!" Someone calling my name snapped me out of my thoughts. The music had ceased. Phichit was grinning at me and Yuuri was smiling happily. His cheeks were bright pink from laughing. 

"Why are you standing there? Come join us!" He yelled at me. Well, he was still yelling. Did Phichit not tell him he could decline his voice? 

"No need to speak up, are you alright?" I asked and raised my hand in greeting. He smiled shyly at me and raised his hand back, but didn't answer my question. As if Phichit read my mind, he turned around to Yuuri and lay a hand on his shoulder. Then, he raised his left hand to gesture a pushing down gesture.

"Oh!" Yuuri exclaimed in an already quieter voice. A sting burst through my heart. Then Phichit repeated my question in a notably slower voice. Yuuri stared at his moving lips like they were the most magical thing on earth. 

I felt myself clench my fists. What was I thinking? Phichit was helping him the way I should. I was bathing in regret rather than cherishing what was in front on me. Phichit knew exactly what Yuuri meant to him. I was struggling to find the right place. I was in no position of doubting Phichit or even Yuuri. They were best friends. Phichit showed up as fast as he could and comforted Yuuri the right way. All I did, was hiding from the truth as long as I could, but this was definitely not the right decision. 

I had no right to be jealous of Phichit, right? They were only best friends. We were so much more than that, right? We were... what were we exactly? But why did Phichit have to hurt Yuuri in this way? He knew he couldn't hear any sound from the movie. Why was he doing this then?

A hand floated in front of my face and snapped. I shook my head in surprise and looked up. Phichit's grinning face was inches away from mine. 

"Come on! Let's watch it together! Yuuri is asking you for this." He pulled my arm and forced me to sit down on the other side of the bed. He elbowed Yuuri in the side and started the movie. 

I inhaled in shock. Subtitles. I never thought of them. 

"Do you like it?" Yuuri asked and smiled at me. I bit my bottom lip and forced myself to a smile, I nodded back. Yuuri frowned in response. He turned around to Phichit. 

"Can you leave us for a moment?" He asked smoothly. His best friend looked up, surprised, but then closed his laptop and showed us a thumb up. 

Yuuri waited until Phichit left us and turned around to me. His frown deepened. I felt so guilty looking at his face. 

"Tell me, what's wrong?", he asked compassionately and took my hand. I flinched from the touch but didn't let me pull away. His hands were so warm and soft. How should I tell him? He couldn't hear me...

"Victor, I warn you: I may be deaf but I am certainly not blind. Don't look like you're about to cry over something! Tell me what's wrong with you, for the love of God!", he snarled. My hands went numb. Did he just growl at me? 

"Yuuri, I didn't-", he just cut me off sharply. 

"Is it because I am deaf? If you want to go back to Russia, just do it! You wanted to go back to skating, right? Hopp, just go! I'm not holding you back!" Yuuri hissed. His grip around my hand tightened. 

My eyes began to burn and my nose started to sting. What did he just say? There was no way I am going back to Russia and leave him here! As if I were this cruel!

"You're not saying anything... that's it, right? Go on. I'm not holding you back." He closed his eyes, turned his back to me and lay down. 

"Yuuri, please! Don't do that to me! This is a misunderstanding..." I couldn't stop my tears from falling down right now. He didn't even react. There was a knock on the door. Phichit's head appeared in the door frame. 

"He can't hear you. You need to touch him to signal to him he has to listen." He explained and disappeared again. I mentally punched myself. Was I stupid? Of course, he was not ignoring me on purpose! 

"Phichit!" I raised my voice to call him back. The door opened again. "How am I supposed to talk to him? He can't hear me-" Phichit's death glare interrupted my thoughts. 

"Listen, he may be deaf, but communication is still possible. Don't ever think of deaf people of incapable of everything. He is still Yuuri. Don't say that ever again.", with those words, he slammed the door shut. What have I done? Was I really treating him like he was some kind of weird alien?

I slightly touched his shoulder. Yuuri immediately whirled around and I inhaled sharply. Tears were running down his cheeks. I quickly brushed them away and cupped his cheeks. 

"Yuuri are you alright?", I asked slowly, articulation every single vowel and consonant. I repeated my question three times and then smiled at him, giving him all the time he needed to process everything. He frowned in response. 

"Why are you asking me? Look at yourself. You are a wandering mess." He gestured to my face and grinned. I wiped my tears away and grimaced back. 

"I am so sorry. I was... jealous.", I replied and frowned. It was ridiculous. Phichit was his best friend, why the hell was I jealous? It's not like he's gonna take Yuuri away or something. 

"You want jelly?", Yuuri asked and shook his head in disbelief. "We are in Spain! You should be eating churros and not jelly, Victor!" I raised an eyebrow. This was actually funny. 

"I was jea-lous." I repeated while wishing I didn't. Yuuri blinked. 

"Jealous? Why? Oh, don't be jealous of me! I wish I wouldn't be deaf so I could listen to you talk for hours! Gosh, I miss your critical scrutiny!" The words washed over me like a hurricane. He missed my critics and was thinking I was jealous of him? Oh Yuuri, if you could only understand what I am feeling right now.

I didn't want Phichit to hear it, so I picked up a pen, that was lying randomly on the nightstand. I could wonder later why it was there. I wrote on the inner side of my hand and held it to Yuuri. His eyes widened in surprise and doubled over in laughter. 

"The famous Victor Nikiforov is being protective of the little katsudon?" He said breathlessly and wiped a tear from the corner of his left eye. "This is ridiculous! No way!" He nudged me with his elbow and shook his head, laughing. I suddenly caught him by the shoulder. 

"Do you blame me?" I couldn't understand how he was able to laugh if I was the one causing him to be deprived of hearing. Yuuri squinted and shook his head. 

"Can you please repeat?", he asked and grimaced. I punched myself mentally. Why was I always rambling when I was nervous? Yuuri had to lipread. 

"Do you blame me?" I repeated, slower this time. I had to get used to it, but it was fine. It was the least I could do for him. Yuuri violently shook his head. 

"Are you insane? Why should I blame you?" He had raised his voice unknowingly. "You couldn't have thought I was sick! Well, actually, I didn't think I was sick myself, so how could you? I thought I was having my anxiety attacks again, it's a very important-" I blinked at me as I put a hand over his mouth. 

"You are having anxiety attacks?", I heard myself ask. The thought wouldn't quite enter my brain. Let me repeat... the kindest, most beautiful, most precious person on earth, the one who deserved to be protected at every point and deserved all the greatness, was plagued with anxiety attacks. I let out a laugh in disbelief. Life was unfair. Very unfair. Karma was a bitch. 

"Why didn't you tell me? I am your coach!" I couldn't restrain myself from shouting. Yuuri flinched back, but I held him tight by the shoulders. 

"Victor, it hurts.", he whimpered. I let go immediately and apologized. He laughed it off. "Got you!" I blinked. Excuse me? Was he... joking? He brushed my fringes out of my face and a warm smile spread over his face. "Nothing is your fault, okay? No one could have predicted this. But, I'm fine with it. Phichit, you. You are both helping me so much to get used to it. I'm glad I have you two." My heart stung at the last two words, but Yuuri was right. Phichit did help him, more than I did. Yuuri seemed to remember something. His eyes light up all of a sudden. He reached over to his phone and called Phichit back in. 

Confused, I sat on the chair and cocked my head to the side. Yuuri scrolled through his phone grinning widely. Then he showed it to Phichit, who just needed one quick look to break out in laughter. I squinted at them. What the hell was so funny? Eventually, Yuuri turned to me. 

My eyes widened in shock as I saw what was displayed on the screen. My jaw dropped open and Phichit had lost it at that moment. 

Victor Nikiforov: Confession to the world? Who is envied by the whole world?

Click.

Phichit held up his phone proudly and showed me the photo he just snapped. I looked like an... alpaca who has just seen something to edible. 

"How could everyone hear it?" I asked him and frowned. I was talking to Yakov... oh. I had been shouting to Yakov. Right. "But do they know who it is?" That's when Yuuri lost his calm face. 

"They had some very interesting conspiracy theories below there. You need to see it!" He handed over his phone to me and leaned back. 

Maybe it's an alien!

Victor Nikiforov is surprising us once again! Maybe it's his childhood crush? :3

Victor Nikiforov's priority? I want to know what or who it is. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Maybe it's the pizza boy/girl. We all know how much he loves food. >.-

Maybe he has seen Makkachin skating?

I looked up from the phone and squinted. "Really? This is... absurd!" I raised my voice but quickly pressed my lips together. Yuuri had his eyes closed and his breathing was calm. Had he just dozed off? 

Phichit was shaking and trying to hold his laughter back. 

"Be quiet! We don't want to wake him up!" I whispered, afraid to be too loud. Phichit cocked his head. 

"What did you say?", he asked in a normal voice. 

"Don't be too loud! He's sleeping!" At that moment, I realized how ridiculous I was. Yuuri burst out in laughter. 

"I can't hear you anyway!", he breathed and nudged my shoulder. 

"Wait... were you two pranking me? Me? The poor victim, Victor?" Yuuri frowned.

"No alliterations, please. I can't keep them apart." I clasped my hands and raised them in apology. "I'm a bit tired, you can stay if you want, but I'm sure you two have better thing to do than watching me sleep. Goodnight." With those words, he lay down and pulled the blanket up to his nose and closed his eyes. Phichit shrugged. 

"I should get going. We shift in the morning?", he asked. I nodded in approval and he went. I leaned back in my chair. Maybe I should get some sleep too.


	8. Diamond and Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your captain speaking!  
> I need to excuse myself for the next week for we will be away with school and I won't have a computer to write the next chapter, nor do I think I can come up with something good withing so much stress.  
> And, I found out there can be more notes at the end! So, there will be some private little comments of me too!

Yuuri's P-O-V:

Victor was sitting beside me and was sleeping soundly. I reached for my phone and switched it on. The newsfeed of my social media was full.

"It's your own fault!"

"You don't deserve Victor!"

"You are deaf! Just go away and leave Victor alone! He deserves better."

"We don't want you!"

"You are useless!"

"You are just worth something when you're skating. Since you can't, just disappear."

There were a few messages too.

Yurio: "Go back to Japan, pig!"

Chris: "Give us Victor back! You stole him from the world, now give him back to us!"

Phichit: "How could you? I thought we were going to compete forever!"

Please, stop! I don;t want to see these! It's not my fault! I don't want to be deaf either! I want to be skating right now! I want to continue skating till the end of my days! Skating is my passion! Please stop blaming me for something I can't change! 

Victor can't be unaware of this. He had known. He had known and not said anything to me. Why? Was he going to leave me? 

I'm so scared! I... can't leave him. He was everything that kept me going forward. 

The phone in my hand vibrated. A new text entered. From Victor.

"I am disappointed."

My head snapped up. There he was, sitting beside me. Victor looked at me and slowly shook his head. 

"No, please!", I felt myself cry out and reached for his hand. He shook it away and moved toward the door. "Please, Victor! Don't leave me! I beg you! I need you!", I forced my mouth to move even though I couldn't hear it. 

Victor was like a diamond, shining in the dark, reflecting everything and bright. 

I was like glass, easily shattered, worthless. 

The diamond was cutting through glass. 

"Please, Victor." He slammed the door shut.

Victor's P-O-V:

I was shaken awake by a violent jolt. I sat up straight and blinked. Yuuri was sitting on the bed, sweat coating his front. Oh no. I jumped to my feet, rushed to the bathroom, grabbed a towel, dunked it in water and ran back to Yuuri. 

His look scared me. His eyes were widened and screamed of shock. I approached him to dab off the sweat from his front, but he flinched back. 

"Yuuri?", I asked him compassionately. 

"Is this real?", he demanded. I nodded, not knowing how to answer him. Did he have a nightmare? 

"Yes, it is, Yuuri.", I answered, startled. He stared at me. I suddenly realised he couldn't see me in the dark and without his glasses. I reached for the switcher and his glasses at the same time. I helped him put them on and switched the light on. I repeated my answer. To my daze, his eyes filled with tears and he shook violently. 

"So you are indeed going to leave me behind?", he asked. His voice trembled and a single tear rolled down his cheek. I reached out for him, but he slapped my hand away. "Don't you dare touch me!", he growled. 

"Yuuri, what happened?". I asked gently, a hand pressing securely on his shoulder. He wanted to shake it off, but my grip hardened. 

"Don't! Just go!" 

"What are you saying? Yuuri, should I call a doctor?" I asked, terrified. Yuuri just sat there and shook his head.

"Go back to Russia and do what you do best!" He yelled at me. My heart crumbled. He was still yelling because he didn't know I could hear every whisper of him. I was merely a meter apart from him and still, this distance broke my heart. I wanted to be next to him, hold his hand and kiss him if he just let me.

"I am not gonna leave you! Don't be stupid!" I yelled back. But it was useless. Yuuri stared at me with the same confused and hurt expression I had seen him when the doctor was talking to him. He could not hear me. He turned around, took the advantage of my distraction and retrieved from my grip, and pulled the covers over his head. 

I jumped out of my chair and ran out fetching a doctor. Something was not right at all and it scared me. Yuuri scared me. He has never scared me before. 

"Emilia!", I cried out and ran down the floor. The doctor opened a door and I nearly crashed into her. "I need your help! I think Yuuri had a nightmare and I can't calm him down!", my voice was shrill. The doctor raised her hands and her eyes locked on mine.

"Mister Nikiforov, please calm down. It isn't of any use if you are stressed out too." She moved her hands along with her breathing and signalled me to follow her. 

I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled again. I raised my thumb up. She nodded, satisfied. 

"I will control M. Katsuki either way. Come with me." She went on and I followed her like a kicked puppy. 

She threw open the door energetically. "M. Katsuki! How are you feeling!" She didn't speak loudly but made sure to articulate every syllable. Yuuri, looking out of the window, didn't seem to notice her. 

I went to the bed and tapped him on the shoulder. He jolted around and stared into my eyes. His chocolate brown eyes were filled with tears. 

"You are going to leave me, aren't you?", he sobbed, his voice cracking on each syllable. I shook my head violently. 

"No! Never! How could you think I am going to ever leave you?" I stared at him with shock. Yuuri squinted. 

"But you said it was real. You were going to leave me.", he replied. I cupped his face in my hands. 

"I swear to you. I will never leave you. You are my world. I won't leave you, no matter what! I will stay by your side, to whatever end.", I rambled. He blinked. 

"I have no idea what you just said, but I take it as a no." He tried to smile. I patted his cheek, satisfied. The doctor cleared her throat. I turned Yuuri around to face the doctor. 

"Is everything alright, Yuuri? How are you feeling?", she asked slowly. Your nodded. 

"I'm fine, thank you. When can I go home?", he asked her/ She frowned a bit. 

"You are awake since three days. Forget that.", she struck it off. 

"She said my health is very good and I can go tomorrow, right?", he grinned. The doctor shook her head.

"Let me impart this to you. You got a concussion, meningitis, a twisted leg somehow survived it AND YOU WANT TO GO TOMORROW?! Are you crazy?", she shrieked. Yuuri just shrugged. She glanced down at her watch. "There will be a social assistant waiting for you in the conference room in half an hour.", she announced and then left. 

Yuuri turned around and a smile spread over his face. "I think she hates me deeply.", he remarked and struck out his tongue. I poked in the cheek. 

"It's okay. You deserve the fun." I patted his shoulder. We locked eyes. My heart sped up a bit. In this exact moment, it was pure joy in his eyes. It transformed his brown eyes into the color of liquid caramel. 

A touch on my cheek brought me back to reality. "Did you hear me?", Yuuri's hand waved across my vision. I blinked and stared at him confused. He rolled his eyes. "We need to move. I want to walk a little." I immediately held out my arm for him to lean on and stood up. I brought the other arm to his waist to protect him. 

The door was thrust open. Yuuri wheeled around. He shrieked and launched himself at me. He flung his arms around my neck and jumped up. I wrapped my arms around him in a reflex. Now, I was carrying him bridal style. 

"What is it?", I asked, flustered. I didn't mind carrying him, not in the slightest way, but what just happened? I thought he had problems walking but he just jumped a meter! 

"T-The syringe!", he squealed, clinging to me. My heart dropped... and beat faster. 

"Syringe?!", I asked. Maybe I heard wrong. Indeed, the nurse was holding a syringe in her hand. The needle was so spiky, like the needles of an urchin. The liquid danced in the sunlight. I gulped. My hands gripped Yuuri harder. 

"What is that? For whom is it?", I demanded. My voice shook a little. 

"Yuuri Katsuki? The daily dose of Clexane.", she explained. Yuuri looked mortified. I was sweating heavily. 

"I-I'm not Yuuri.", he mumbled and shook his head violently. The nurse raised an eyebrow and her eyes wandered to the name at the door. Traitor!

"I am pretty sure, you are.", she smiled. Yuuri whined and buried his head in my neck. 

"Protect me, Victor! Don't let that tool of the devil near me!" He cried out. My eyes widened. I should protect him?! Excuse me? 

"No offense, honey, but no!" I will definitely not stand between Yuuri and this beastly syringe. Not ever! Only in some crazy fantasy world. 

The nurse took off the protection of the needle and came towards us. "You need to let him down.", she carefully reminded me. I whirled around with Yuuri still in my arms, now with my shoulder facing her. 

"No alternative?", I growled. She shook her head and shrugged. 

"40 mg Clexane, injection in the stomach, I am truly sorry.", she commented, but she didn't look sorry at all. She seemed pretty much amused by the sight of us, clinging to each other. She raised the syringe and came one step toward Yuuri. 

He became suddenly heavy in my arms. My heart dropped. What happened? I scooped him up, but he grew heavier. I slightly turned my head. His eyes were closed, his head resting on my shoulder. Did he just... pass out? 

The nurse cracked a smile. "Put him down on the bed. We will get over it in a second." I did as she told and laid him down. As she raised the nasty needle again, I held up a finger. 

"Let me get out first, or you will have two of these.", I pointed at Yuuri and ran the hell out. 

 

"I can't believe you just fainted!", I patted Yuuri on the back as he buried himself in the sheets. 

"I can't believe you were afraid of syringes too.", he barked. I stuck out my tongue at him. I scratched the back of my head and winked. 

I held him by the arm and guided him to the conference room. A woman with brown hair and dark eyes was awaiting us. 

"M. Katsuki and M. Nikiforov?", she looked up and smiled. Yuuri gave her a smile in return, but from his look, I understood that he had no idea what she just said. 

We sat down in front of her, our hands entangling under the table.

"Do you know anything about sign language?", she asked and opened a notebook. Yuuri looked at me as if the word were scribbled across my face. 

"Excuse me,", I reached out and pulled her notebook toward me. I smiled broadly at her, but it didn't turn down her critical glance. 

"Enough with writing down everything like an idiot. He has to learn to deal with it. He needs to learn how to proper lip read and sign language." The assistant shot me a death glare. "You need to stop spoiling him." I let my shoulders sink in and lowered my head. She patted me on the shoulder. 

"I'm joking, but he needs to learn proper sign language. We will meet three times a week. After 3 months, I can guarantee you, he will be able to communicate with other people.", she promised. It sounded great and all, but it didn't convince me. Yuuri had no problems talking to me, so why does he have to learn that language? He would be able to lip read after all. 

"But... he will make it without it, won't he?", I asked, frightened to hear the answer. Yuuri was still Yuuri. 

"Victor, I will do it. I need it." It was Yuuri who cut me off short. 

"Yuuri!" A gasp escaped my throat. "We can learn everything on our own!" My protests were dismissed by a hand gesture. 

"Please, show me.", he said and his eyes glimmered hopefully. I swallowed a lump in my throat. This is indeed all my fault. Had I paid more attention, or attention at all, this would never have happened. But now it was too late to regret.

The woman smiled kindly and nodded. She raised a hand to her temple, touched it and lifted it towards us. "Hello.", she explained and repeated the movement. Yuuri followed her gesture with easy grace. It was like a mocking salute. 

Then she laid her hands out, facing upwards and looked us straight into the eyes. "What.", she said in our language. We mirrored her hand gesture. She raised her hand to her head and made a movement that reminded me of plucking out something. "Why." She pointed the index finger out and shook it. "Where." She put the index fingers of both hand near to each other and made a circle movement with her left finger, nearly touching the mirror image. "When." We repeated everything after her. 

"Where.", she demanded. I squinted slightly. Where... Yuuri immediately stuck his finger out and shook it. The woman smiled, nodded, and gave him a thumbs-up. I imitated the movement. 

"Hello." Yuuri saluted on the point. That one I remembered too. 

"Okay. Some other useful words to start with." She clapped two fingers of each hand against each other. "Name." She pointed at Yuuri and repeated the sign for the name. "What's your name?" 

Yuuri shook his head, confusion written across his face. "What. Is. Your. Name?", she repeated patiently, twice. 

"Ah!", Yuuri exclaimed happily. He pointed at her and clapped two fingers of each hand together. She smiled. She turned to me.

"His progress is remarkable. He will be able to do it within two months, I think. He is really interested.", she smiled warmly. I nodded. Your knows what he is doing, but what is my role in all this? I'm the one to blame. If I had paid more attention...

Finger snapping pulled me back to reality. "We will meet again in two days, keep practising. Have a good day." She stood up and made a movement similar to hello and left. 

I looked down at my phone. 11 o'clock. Plenty of time to go training. I helped Yuuri up and walking him down the corridor. 

"Back to training again?", he asked, curious. I smiled at him. 

"Of course." I nodded. 

"Go on!" He encouraged me and gave me thumbs up. 

 

I got back to the rink in less than 15 minutes. Skating felt like coming home after a long journey. After all the trouble this morning, only skating could clear my mind and set me free. Yuuri had a nightmare about me abandoning him. No wonder he was terrified. I would be scared to death if Yuuri would be really leaving me. 

I glided a few times across the rink before launching myself into a spread eagle and pushing off into a triple toe loop. I practised a few more jumps and began building a choreography in my head. I have announced my comeback, but still, haven't set my theme. Yuuri's theme had been love and we all see how far it had brought him. What will my theme be then? How can I surprise everyone? 

My theme will have to do with what happens in my life right now. Confusion? Fear? Those are no themes for programs! I turned around and approached the centre of the rink. 

Yuuri lived and I was able to skate. He was going to recover soon and will join me on the ice one day. That's it. 

Life.

What can be more important than life? Success is nothing without living. I am grateful for everything in my life. My friends, my dog, my fans, my skating and most important, Yuuri. My theme for this season will be life. I quickly ran to my bag and reached for my phone.

"Yakov?", I asked into my phone and closed my eyes. He had a lot to tell me and after he had finished, I was breathless. "I know, thank you." I raced back to the hospital as fast as I could. 

Yuuri was sitting on his bed, reading as I thrust the door open. "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of another idea for a theme. Gratitude. What do you think is better? I think both are equally good, but I just thought life would be good. :)  
> Which one do you like more? Please do comment below and let me know!  
> If you like gratitude more, signal me and I will change it.   
> You can comment below or write me a message on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/victor-physikorov)  
> Feel free to add me on Tumblr. I will post little snippets and I will answer every question you can come up with!
> 
> Yours truly,
> 
> Cinna


	9. Heart of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri are having a serious talk and a scene at the airport

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter is a birthday present for my bestest friend Anubis_Chibi and myself. We both had our birthday last week and here is my late present!  
> Hope you enjoy it!

Victor’s P.O.V:  
“We need to talk.” Yuuri looked at me and I repeated my question. He just smiled and nodded. He patted the bed. I shook my head. This was seriously not an easy decision for me to make. “Yakov told me I needed to go back to Russia to train with him.” I clenched my hands into fists. God, I am a terrible person. I am just leaving him here to rot. Victor, get your shit together! You are surely not abandoning him.  
“It will only be temporary, I swear to God! I will persuade him to come with me to Barcelona so I can stay with you” Yuuri’s smile sent a cut through my heart. What am I doing?  
“It’s okay, Victor. I guess you have to go back to Russia, right?”, he asked. I bit my lip and forced myself to nod. Yuuri raised both thumbs up and grinned happily. For the first time in a year, we will be separated. “Stop frowning! You will get wrinkles!”. He stuck out his tongue and reached for the nightstand to stand up. I rushed to his side and supported him under his shoulders. “It’s okay. I won’t fall, don’t worry. What’s your theme, if you would be so kind to tell me.” He nudged my arm with his elbow.  
Should I tell him? I wanted to surprise him so badly! He was the only worth surprising. But there won’t be subtitles on TV for him to see and he won’t be able to see the face of the commentator, so I needed to tell him.  
“Life.”, I locked my eyes with his and a wide smile spread across his face. He raised a hand and cupped my cheek.  
“That’s a beautiful theme. How did you come up with it?”, he asked tenderly, his hand resting on my cheek.  
“I was thinking about everything going on in our lived right now and I am just glad that you live and I get the chance to live with you by my side. That’s more than I can ask for. And if there is something like a God out there, thank I will thank him. Or her. We don’t want to be sexist here”, I added with a wink. “Anyway, is that okay for you? I already spoke to the doctor and you cannot fly within 4 months.” I depicted the number 4 with my fingers for him to perfectly understand.  
“And when those are over, I will come over and join you in St. Petersburg, right?”, he grinned. I felt my smile spread.  
“Yes, you will come to Russia and live with me and Makkachin. Is that… okay?”, I asked. He nudged me with the elbow again.  
“Don’t worry! Just go! I will follow afterwards and we will talk everyday-” He stopped midsentence and grimaced. My smile froze. Oh no. He lowered his eyes.  
I quickly cupped his face and forced him to watch me. “Yuuri, listen.” I nearly slapped myself for that. I prayed to God he didn’t understand what I just said. He would hate me. “We will FaceTime. That’s the perfect solution, isn’t it? I can see your face and hear your voice and you get to see me too. Is that good for you?” He grimaced and I repeated my answer again, slower. Yuuri nodded.  
“That would be awesome, but I don’t want to bother you with FaceTime every day. You are still there to train, right?” He cocked his head and winked. My grin was there again and my heart felt released, like the chains of guilt just unleashed. “When’s the flight. Next week?”, he wanted to know.  
“Today, actually. The plane leaves in the afternoon.”  
Yuuri blinked. “Today?” he repeated after me. I nodded.  
“Yakov wants me back as fast as possible. I’m sorry.”  
“Then I can’t go with you to the airport! The doctor will not let me leave no matter what!” He was already beginning to swing himself out of the bed, but I quickly caught him by the shoulders.  
“I don’t want you to come with me to the airport. That’s why I’m here now.” I let my shoulders sink. “I cannot bear seeing you turn around and leave me. It’s much better this way, okay?” I tried my best to explain and not let it sound like a silly excuse. I did not consider myself as the most emotional person until I met Yuuri. But that has changed now. I just left Yuuri once in Russia with Yakov and it was the most difficult decision I have made. Much more difficult than taking a holiday from skating and going to Japan, to stay with a man I didn’t know then.  
I really wanted Yuuri to come with me so I would never have to leave him behind, but it was not possible in his actual state.  
“So, this is a goodbye?”, he gasped. I took his hand in mine and caressed the back of his hand. It has become bonier than before. It felt so fragile, like it could break at any moment. It was like glass.  
“It’s okay, Yuuri. I will text you when I get there.” I took a step toward him and wrapped my arms tightly around him. I could feel him pressing against me. I am so sorry, Yuuri, for this selfish decision. 

Yuuri’s P.O.V.:  
At the airport. Talk to you in a few hours.  
It was sent a minute ago. He said goodbye in the morning. My heart aches. We haven’t been apart for the last whole year and now he is going to leave for Russia. It’s for training, I do understand it, but it still hurts.  
I just don’t know what I am going to do without him. I don’t know anyone here. The skaters have all left to train for the upcoming season. But couldn’t I just behave and let the finals be and instead went to a doctor? If I could, I would just run with my head through a wall. Was I really that stupid? Who the hell goes to the finals with an infection?  
I cuddled the hamster plush Phichit left for me when he bid me goodbye. It was a weird creature. It was grey and white, cuddling some kind of doughnut.  
Victor would just laugh at it. It was silly indeed, but I still love it.  
Victor.  
I bolted upright and swung my legs out the bed. Suddenly, I wasn’t so wobbly on my feet anymore. I dashed for the door. I needed to see him. I don’t care if it makes it harder for him to turn around and leave me behind, but this is no solution! I damn needed to see him before he leaves! Everyone gets to cry at the airport and can hug the person they love, who is going to leave. So why don’t I get that chance?  
I ripped out the catheter and hissed angrily at the sharp pain. I quickly grabbed my jacket and made my way to the door. The world was a blur. I gripped the doorknob to steady myself. Come on, katsudon! Gt yourself together! If you are slower, Victor will be on the plane and you will be blamed for nothing.  
I threw the door open and ran outside. I quickly pushed the buttons of the elevator non-stop.  
When the doors finally opened, I jumped inside and it went off for the ground floor. I sincerely hoped there would be taxis in front of the hospital, as there usually were.  
Thank God, there was one parking in front. I practically threw myself inside and leaned forward. “To the airport.”

Victor’s P.O.V.:  
I wheeled around as I heard the voice calling out. Oh God, what was he doing here? Why is Yuuri even here?  
He was caught off balance and I was darting toward him to catch him from the fall. “Yuuri! What are you doing here?”, I asked and helped him stand straight.  
“I came to say goodbye. I don’t care if it’s more difficult for you to leave then. You will be gone for four months and I don’t know where you are or what you are doing”, he was rambling helplessly and it broke my heart to see him like this. “I worry too much to let you go to Russia now. I think, I should go with you. During the four months I’m not there, what if you train too much and hurt yourself or don’t eat or drink enough? What if you get sick, what am I supposed to do then?” His eyes connected with mine and I saw tears shining in them. “What if you don’t want to leave Russia again? What if Yakov won’t let you leave again? What if meet someone and you don’t want to see me again? I mean, you are handsome and a great skater, so it is possible! Oh, what if your parents don’t like me?” He looked around. “I should go with you. Do you think I can get plane tickets right now?” He was turning away and about to run off to the guichet.  
I took a step forward, took him by the elbow and wheeled him around. I closed my other hand behind his head and pressed my lips on his. The touch was as tender as a butterfly’s wings brushing a flower. His lips were soft and warm. They tasted like lemon. Time stood still. I closed my eyes and let the sensation sweep over me. Yuuri’s lips were like water and I was dying of thirst. Every inch of them was so familiar, but at the same time so foreign and I was desperate to explore them.  
I slowly broke away, panting. Yuuri’s cheeks were flushed and he gasped as time began to flow again. I carefully took half a step backward and took Yuuri’s hands.  
“Don’t worry, you are more than enough. You are more than I deserve. I may not be your first love, but I will be your last love.” A bright smile spread over Yuuri’s face and made him look like an angel. Then he stepped forward, clasped his hands behind my neck and touched my lips with his own.  
While our first kiss was shy and sweet, this one was passionate. I felt his finger tangle in my hair. Goosebumps spread over my back and my arms, my heart felt like it was on fire.  
My hands wrapped around his waist and I pressed his body to mine. We fitted like we were made for each other. Every curve of Yuuri was shaped perfectly to match mine.  
“Attention please! Passengers of flight E285 to St. Petersburg, boarding ends in 20 minutes. Please got to your gate.”  
I pulled away and gasped of surprise.  
“Is something wrong?”, Yuuri asked. I caressed his cheek to reassure him.  
“Don’t worry. The plane leaves in twenty minutes.” I made silly gestures with my hands that should resemble wings and showed twice ten fingers. The whole airport and probably Twitter will laugh its head off at my angel moves, but who cares?  
“Go! Run!” He shoved me off. I quickly whirled around, cupped his face and kissed him. Then I ran like the devil was after me because I was still at the check-in. I could hear Yuuri’s laugh in the back of my head and it warmed my heart.  
In a few minutes, I was sitting on my first-class seat on the plane. The stewardess had shot me a death glare as I came in one minute late, but said nothing. However, I was sure I won’t get anything to drink today.  
I unlocked my phone, quickly switched it on flight mode as the former stewardess came along and smiled broadly at her while showing her my flight mode phone. She just gave me a half smile back and stood still, glaring.  
“It’s on flight mode. Is that not allowed anymore?”, I asked and was about to switch it off when she said, “Seatbelt please. We don’t want you to fall on your pretty face when we take off.” I laughed, flustered, scratching the back of my head and quickly fastened my seatbelt. That was embarrassing.  
I chose the photo folder on my phone and scrolled through it. The photo was nearly two years old, but I recalled it like it was yesterday. The banquet two years ago. That was the night I fell for Yuuri. Actually, it was already before. It was the moment I saw his free skate. His theme was innocence as I recalled.  
He skated like an angel breaking through the clouds and chasing the darkness. In that exact moment, I really believed he was innocent. The banquet showed me the other side of the coin.  
Yuuri was a perfect balance of innocence and passion. When he skated, he was pure Eros and raw seductiveness. Still, he was so pure in his life. He knew no harm and wouldn’t harm anyone. His most important flair was to bring out the best in people. Yuuri was empathy incarnate and I would do anything to preserve his innocence. He was so fragile and deserved only the best.  
I will keep him safe no matter what. I will protect him and his heart of glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to visit me on my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/victor-physikorov)
> 
> xx Cinna


	10. New World Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri discovers a new world within his own. Victor is tired and shares a secret with Makkachin, that he will never tell any living soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear people! I'm so, so sorry for not updating for two months! Gosh, two months! Sounds even more awful now that I am writing that. I promise the next chapter will come faster!   
> I hope you enjoy this one! It is one in the morning and I am really, like really, really tired. Don't even ask me what I'm writing, I have no idea.   
> But in the US it will be in the late afternoon, so it will be okay for you!   
> I will probably rewrite a few thing tomorrow...

 

**Yuuri’s POV:**

I got a hell of a blame from the doctor back in the hospital. I actually thought she was going to kill me or rip off my head. Thank God, she did no such thing, but the death glares she shot me did he work.

Victor told me he was in St. Petersburg by sending a selfie with an empty fridge. Wow. I was certainly not impressed by it, but it was a good laugh indeed.

I kept learning with the social assistant and by now, I was able to order food and drinks at restaurants with waiters who actually know sign language. That, she told me, would be the greatest challenge. No one here knows about sign language.

Two days have passed since Victor first kissed me at the airport. Or I kissed him back the first time. It was still like a dream came true. Damn Victor Nikiforov has kissed me. I nearly slapped that grin out of my face as the nurse blinked at me.

Speaking of which, my phone buzzed and I quickly glanced down. A phone call? Was this some kind of bad joke? A phone call? Yeah, right. I swiped it away. This surely wasn’t Victor. I mean, he was a dork, but he wasn’t so cruel as to call me.

Victor was training very hard in his hometown and he often complained about Yakov being a pain in the ass. Yurio was obviously yelling about how he will get my ass kicked when we meet again. Lucky me it was going to take a while before I can skate again. Well… lucky me. I wanted to skate so badly, but I am certainly not willing to risk falling again. My legs were healed during the month I was in a coma, but the memory of it still sent shivers down my spine.

Phichit kept texting me every day even if I told him a million times he should focus on training. Instead, he delivered me a lecture about using my deafness as an excuse to recluse myself from society. Well, what should I do then?

I decided to ask the social assistant the next day. Katia, the social assistant, gave me a warm smile and explained to me that she has asked the doctor for permission to take me on a day off. She waited outside while I changed my clothes. I exchanged the hospital pyjamas for a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. I felt like I haven’t combed my hair for days. I felt alive, fresh and ready.

Katia led me outside the hospital. I have just left once and it was because I have run off. Traffic… was trouble. Katia held my hand the hole way, I didn’t mind. It wasn’t like holding Victor’s hand. I needed something to hold onto while on the busy streets of Barcelona. Cars drove by, lights flashed in the rain and a lot of people crossed the street.

In absolute silence.

I could still hear the sounds of the street, but it was all in my head and imagination. I couldn’t really hear them anymore.

Katia seemed to notice for she squeezed my hand tighter and led me forward. We ended up in a café. There was no bell ringing when we entered. Or I didn’t hear it, but no one seemed to notice either. Some were reading, other talking in dimmed voices.

Katia waved happily. Some people turned around and waved back. “People, meet Yuuri!” She smiled. She let her index fingers meet in the middle and signed Y-U-U-R-I. The girl next to me rose from her couch and smiled. Nice-to meet-you. My name-Agnes. I signed back and responded with my own name. Then a movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. The whole room was looking at me. I signed nice to meet you slowly. Broad smiles spread all over the room. Then everyone was signing so fast.

“Guys! Slow down! He’s new!” Katia raised her hands and gestured quite quickly. Someone tapped me gently on the arm. It was a boy with brown hair and clear, hazel eyes. He saluted and grinned. I nodded and smiled. My name- A-U-G-U-S-T. And then something I have never seen before, then fifteen. He probably told me his age. Couldn’t imagine why he would tell me the number of his bank account anyway. He repeated: Making a half-circle under his chin, pulling it down and clenching twice and then pointing toward me.

I must have looked like a moron, because he shaped the words with his lips. How… what? Wait with the answer fifteen… It was really ‘how old are you’! Twenty-four. August pointed at his ear and shook his index finger. When?

One month, I nearly said, but then remembered he couldn’t hear me. It was two months technically, but you couldn’t tell me I was deaf when I was comatose. I pointed one and held up an index finger and drew circles toward me with the other index finger. He cocked his head and blinked. You-sign-good. I felt myself blush. No one told me I sign good before. That was great. I felt like I was finally doing something useful and good for the first time.

My phone vibrated again.

‘You think you can belong?’ Sorry, what? Someone tiptoed next to me and looked over my shoulder. I felt like someone was impinging on me. I slightly turned my head. August stood next to me and smiled. He signed something I didn’t understand at all. As he understood I had no idea, he signed the letters. Ex-girlfriend? I shrugged and shook my head.

“No,” I signed. “I don’t have one.” August squinted and reached out. Did he want my phone? Maybe it’s just some silly person who got the wrong number.

Katia tugged my sleeve and pointed to her watch. One hour has passed without me noticing. It was… strange. I knew I had problems communicating with people and I didn’t know how to approach them, but with August and those people… it felt normal. It wasn’t crushing like always. It was just like with Victor.

With those people, I felt a kind of… like I belong here. I bid them farewell and promised to come back tomorrow. For the first time in my life, I was excited to meet new people. 

  

**Victor’s P.O.V.:**

I awoke to the sound of the unnerving alarm clock. Groaning, I stretched myself and knocked it off the nightstand. What do I care? I turned back and stretched all limbs like a sea star. Something fluffy was beneath my arms.

“Yuuri, honey, you should really shave,” I grumbled and opened my eyes. Makkachin’s pitch-black eyes met mine and his was drooling all over my face. I screamed. My fluffy poodle jumped around me and barked happily. “Good morning to you too” I laughed, patting his head. Did I just mistake him for Yuuri? He will never know of this. No one saw it, so it didn’t happen. “This will stay a secret between us two, okay?” I asked Makkachin and he barked in response. I let out a sigh and fell back into the pillow. I buried my face in the pillow and rolled myself in the blanket like a burrito.

I shot up. The dream. Makkachin took advantage of my moment of unawareness and lunged. He pushed me to the edge of the bed and knocked me off.

“Ouch!” I scowled. A tail-wagging poodle lay now on my side and was sprawled across the bed. “Thank you very much, old boy” I took it as a sign of fate to tell me to haul my ass out of bed and be productive. I felt like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly ass I crawled out of my cocoon.

After showering, my phone said seven in the morning. That would be six in Barcelona. No, I’m not that cruel. Yuuri had already texted me. He was doing well and the social assistant, can’t remember her name, had let him go to a café for deaf people. He had already found a friend, a guy named August. I already imagined him turning red as a tomato at my answer: He isn’t as cute as me, is he?

Breakfast consisted of toast, scrambled eggs and milk. After taking Makkachin out for a walk, I left for the rink. I yawned sleepily. That one hour of sleep was precious. I didn’t know the difference between getting up at six, according to my natural clock, and seven o’clock. Plus, my plane landed at three in the morning and that was definitely not funny. Not for me, neither for Yakov who had to get up to get me to my apartment. I had no idea how long it took to get home or how much I sleep I got, but felt like I only slept for one hour. The only one who was happily wagging his tail, was Makkachin.

“Wake up, old man!” I looked up and rubbed my eyes. What was I doing in the rink? Yurio was staring down at me and had that knowing judging look in the eyes. “When did you land?” He asked. I yawned and blinked. He threw his arm out to punch me, I dodged in the last moment.

“Sorry! I’m awake now!” I quickly answered before he could attempt to hit me again.

“Go home again! I don’t want to see you around today while you are trying not to fall asleep. Come back tomorrow in top form or not at all,” He tsked and waved me off. I have never been so happy so see him sending me home. I was tired, even if I didn’t want to admit it. And I already missed Yuuri.

“Georgi, take the old man home or he will fall asleep on the street or get run over by a bicycle,” The tiny Russian skater called our make-up artist, who showed up a minute later, with mascara and eyeliner all over his face.

“I saw her new post on Insta with that guy! Why is she doing that to me?” he cried out and grabbed me by the arm. “Victor, tell me! Why?” I winced and shot a glance at Yurio that meant help me by all means, but he just skated away and began warming up. Georgi was already sitting on his ass and crying a river.

“Calm down! Let’s get you a hot chocolate!” I hauled myself up and helped him up, but he didn’t let me help. “Mila, help!” Our female team mate skated over and looked down at us. Georgi was sprawled across the floor.

“Georgi! Get up or Yakov will kill you!”

“Says who?” The baritone thundered behind us. Georgi was up on his feet in a second and Mila disappeared. I shot up immediately. “We will use your sadness to create a brand-new choreography! Victor, go home. You’re slowing us down. Come back when you are not sleeping.”

Victor was fed up when he arrived home. He was only starting again and then this happened. What he needed now, was Yuuri. A long conversation with Yuuri. It was already afternoon, so he better be awake.

I quickly called him via FaceTime. After the second try, he eventually picked up. He was rubbing his eyes and his hair was messy, what only made him cuter.  

I sent him a message asking him how he was doing. “It’s great! Katia got me out of this hole today and took me to a café! Guess what! I’m not the only one!”, he was impressed and happy at the same time. It made me happy to see him like this. He deserved all happiness in the world and it was a shame I couldn’t be next to him to help him. He wanted me to go back. He didn’t want me to risk my career.

I told him to tell me about the experience in sign language. His eyes widened and his smile was like the sun breaking through all clouds. “You learned!” He clapped his hands and the smile went brighter. “There were a lot of people like me! There was this guy, August, who became my friend and he invited me to come back tomorrow! Victor, I’m so excited to go back!” His happiness was so true and innocent, it could have melted all the ice here in Russia. I made me proud to see him making new friend so fast. We all knew he had social anxiety and it made it very difficult to open to people. I was glad he did it. He overcame his anxiety and reached out to new people. Maybe it was because those people had something in common. Something we didn’t.

We talked a while about stuff and what we ate today. I needed to know he was eating correctly. I didn’t tell him how training was going today, because there was no training. Yuuri wanted pancakes so desperately it made me roll with laughter. Makkachin joined us later. Communicating with Yuuri was still a bit weird and difficult, but I was sure we could do it. There was now this big gap between us, but I believed we could master it.

When he found out my flight landed at three in the morning, the look on his face was priceless. He told me to go to sleep immediately and allowed no other propose. He was worried. I inclined my head and said: “Thank you for being with me.”

“Good night!” He called back instead of an answer. Of course. He didn’t see it.

I closed my eyes. Yuuri has found new friends and it made me happy. Only a couple of weeks separated him from me. But I already knew it wouldn’t be the same. It couldn’t be the same ever again. There was a new world coming and I am afraid I couldn’t keep up with the speed of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? I got the idea for the title from the song in the movie Miss Peregrine's home for peculiar children. I think it suits because Yuuri is discovering a new world and learns to stand on his own. Victor is facing new problems and struggles to get his career back.   
> What do you think?   
> And now, I will stop listening to Do You hear the people sing and go to sleep!   
> Good night, guys! 
> 
> P.S.: I just read through the part of today and I nearly had a heart attack! My computer has the IQ of a water bottle! It autocorrected deaf to death! Gosh! Gross!


	11. Requiem for a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri gets bad news. Really bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, people! Here is your captain speaking! I promise, there will be more regular updates now! I hope you enjoy this one! What do you think will happen next?  
> And an announcement at the end!

Yuuri’s P.O.V:  
I held the phone in my hand and balanced it in my palm. I wanted to call my sister. I don’t want my parents to know it, but I needed my sister’s help. I needed someone to back me Japan. Victor was in Russia. Phichit was back in Detroit and… well, I don’t have many other friends. The other Yuri is in Russia too and Minami was in Japan, training for his senior debut, now that I have become good for nothing.  
Before I could text my sister, an email buzzed in. From one of my sponsors. Why?  
_Most distinguished Mr Katsuki,_  
Since your accident at the Grand Prix Final, we haven’t heard from you. We have found a new person worth sponsoring: Kon Shiko. He is a talented young man at the age of sixteen and now making his senior debut.  
Our finances are limited and we are only trying to find the worthiest figure skater in need of a good sponsor to hold his back.  
We are looking forward to your comeback,  
CEO of Spirit Sport,  
Asano Watanabe  
My heart dropped. He wasn’t the only one. Minutes after him, two more emails entered. Then three followed. Six of my eight sponsors have left to sponsor Kon Shiko.  
I closed my eyes and sank back into my pillows. This is bad. This is really bad. I knew I wouldn’t be able to skate for some time, but I have always hoped I could recover one day and come back into the bright light of the rink. I have never anticipated this. This isn’t fair. They didn’t give me enough time to recover. I will make it, one day, but why are they crashing down on me right now?  
Why?  
Why now?  
Why?  
Why me?  
How did they know?  
Why? I thought I deserved Victor.  
I thought I did great.  
I thought I surprised them.  
I thought they accepted me.  
I thought they saw the true me.  
Water was crashing against the dam. It was bottling up more and more.  
Was it all just a game? Was it all pretending? Was it even real?  
My phone buzzed once more.  
_Breaking news! Katsuki’s sponsors abandoning him for Shiko!_  
The dam broke. 

Victor’s P.O.V.:  
Training was hard today. Not only have I lost a lot of my stamina, but Yakov wanted me to create a colossal short program for my comeback. Jeez. It doesn’t help a bit with him standing in the edge of the rink and yelling “that’s not enough” or “get your shit together, you’re not serious” at you. Not at all.  
The truth is, I know it’s not enough to impress the public. Not again. Not after the Yuuri and Yurio’s choreographies last year. I needed twice the investment to come up with something, that would be surprising. I loved surprising the audience, that’s why I’m skating. That’s why Yuuri told me to go back to Russia.  
But I miss him, so terribly miss him. For the last year, he has always been by my side. He always tells me how he is grateful I have been at his side, but the truth is, I am grateful for him being at my side and not vice versa. He gave me the power to overcome my burnout and break the boring routines. For him, I wanted to create something new, something more impressive and powerful, knowing he could show more than he already did.  
And that’s why I was so shaken by the news.  
Katsuki’s sponsors abandoning him for Shiko.  
What. The. Hell.  
Who was this guy who thought he could compete against my Yuuri? Who the hell gave him the right to replace him? I quickly googled this guy. Kon Shiko, 16, from Kagoshima. No one has ever heard of him before. His Wikipedia site was almost empty, except for a few competitions in the last year. Only in that one last year, in which Yuuri became the love of the public, he won a few competitions I’ve never heard of and he’s stealing Yuuri’s sponsors. A joke. This had to be a joke.  
I heard steps approaching and an angry shouting I would recognize everywhere. One second later, the door to the changing room was kicked open and a furious Yurio came in, along with Mila and Georgi who were vainly trying to keep him down.  
“What the hell, Nikiforov?! Is it true? The sponsors are leaving the pig standing in the rain? I mean, literally?” He burst out. “And who is this guy even? Never heard of him before!”  
“His name is Kon Shiko-“ I tried to explain.  
“I don’t give a damn about who the hell he is! How can you let this happen? You are his goddamned coach!” Fury glistened in his eyes and I realize, I have never seen him this angry before.  
“It was the decision of his sponsor to-“ I tried really hard to calm him down, but he cut my words.  
“ _Sponsors_. Plural, Victor! It wasn’t only one! Tell me why!” He demanded and his tone gave me no place to hide. What should I do? Yuuri asked me to tell nobody about his deafness and his meningitis. He asked me not to tell anybody about his pause from skating that could last a few years at least and forever at worst.  
What should I do? I promised, but right now… Yuuri needed support.  
“You are pulling some weird shit, Victor, and I will not deal with your bullshit any longer. Either you tell me what’s going on, or I will find out myself,” Yurio didn’t look pleased as he snarled at me with fury in his eyes. I held up both hands. I had made my choice. This was about Yuuri’s honour and self-esteem. I needed to tell Yurio he wasn’t running away.  
“It wasn’t just a broken leg and meningitis, was it?” He demanded. Damn, he was smart! Then the realization hit me. He was there.  
“It was, but it was more,” I answered. Yurio rolled his eyes.  
“That’s what I just said.” I slowly turned to Mila and Georgi. I could trust them, that much I knew. The secret was safe with them.  
“The infection damaged his hearing organs beyond repair. He is deaf,” Yurio inhaled sharply and Mila brought a hand up to cover her open mouth. Georgi frowned.  
“But that doesn’t mean he can’t skate anymore. Music isn’t necessarily something you hear, but feel,” Mila argued. I nodded. She was damn right, but it wasn’t only this.  
“But the infection also did something else to him. His balance organs are damaged. He won’t be able to skate for the next few years at least.” I said. Yurio lost it at that moment. He turned around and ran for the door. Mila swore.  
“Where are you going?” Georgie shouted after him. The young skater stood in the doorway and glanced back at us.  
“Buying a plane ticket to Japan.” His voice was determined. I shook my head.  
“You won’t find him there. He is still in Barcelona.”  
“What the hell?” Three pairs of eyes darted back to me.  
“He didn’t tell his parents about it. They still believe it’s only a bad concussion and a broken leg. He… they aren’t ready for it. Not yet.” I explained.  
Silence.  
I considered the round and sighed. It was Mila who stood up first. “What are you going to do now?” She wanted to know. I shrugged.  
“Heading to the airport, I think. I can’t let this happen”  
“The hell are you!” Before I could stand up, Yakov appeared in the doorway. Even Yurio flinched. “I’m not dealing with your shit anymore, Vitya. You are seriously the worst coach ever. You should have been at his side right now and not stagnating here. You should have never left his side. It is your duty to defend him in front of the public and most likely in front of his sponsors. And what are you doing? Cowering in the corner and letting a kid, no offence, do your job?!” He yelled.  
After a few moments of silence, it was Yurio who spoke up. “None taken.” Georgi huffed a laugh and Mila snorted. Yakov rolled his eyes.  
“I’m going to Spain. With the next plane.” I said and stood up. I pushed past Yakov and Yurio, with the latter following me.  
“You have a comeback to make.” He grumbled beside me, trying to keep up with my pace. “Why don’t you just get him here?” I stopped abruptly and he crashed into my back. Swearing, he pulled back and his green eyes shot lightning at me.  
“The doctor forbade it, but that was a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s possible now.” I thought out loud. Yurio frowned, but then a smile grew on his face and he nudged me in the side.  
“See, so you stay here and I fly him over. I mean, I accompany him. I don’t actually fly the damn thing.” He clapped my shoulder and waved me off. “Now, old man, go announce the arrival of His Imperial Majesty Yurio… Yuri Plisetsky!” With those words, he strode past me, chin high and running right into the next corner. He swore in Russian and I huffed a laugh. Even if Yurio didn’t want me to admit it, but he was a great friend.  
Yuuri, I wish I could come to you right now.

Yuuri’s P.O.V.:  
They gave up on me. They thought I wasn’t worthy of their money. I wanted to prove them wrong. August texted me, asking if I wanted to hang out today, but I declined. I was afraid of what he will think of me if he saw me in a state like this.  
By now, my parents will know something was not right. How could I think I could hide forever? Sooner or later they would find out. If was in the afternoon and the news didn’t stop rushing in. I was afraid my parents would call me, I would be screwed up then. I turned off my phone and set it on my nightstand.  
The doctor gave me permission to go outside if I wished. I was grateful for the fresh air rushing in my lungs. My head didn’t turn with each step I took and I moved with a slightly more decent speed than before. If before was like crawling, now was like running. It felt good.  
I started doing things on my own so I wouldn’t be dependent on the nurses anymore. They told me it wasn’t a thing because it was their job, but I just felt weird to be mothered all the time.  
It was a sunny Monday afternoon and the city was quiet. At least it looked like if it were quiet. Very few people were walking on the streets. It was still fresh for spring. A large Golden Retriever was playing with a puppy while their owners chatted. Children were coming home from school. Everything was so… normal. While my own world was breaking apart.  
For I while, I just wandered around, savouring the peace of the afternoon and the warmth of the sun on my skin. Then I saw the rink. The rink where the Grand Prix Final was held. Where everything went to hell.  
I headed toward it. I was open. There were two more people on the ice. Come on, give it a try. Can’t hurt, can it? I rented skates and stepped on the ice. The feeling was familiar, comforting, but unnerving at the same time. I knew it wasn’t going to be magically alright again, but I will try to get my old life back.  
The world was spinning when I set my second foot on the reflecting ice. My right knee barked in protest, but I blinked it away. I took one careful step. It was like coming home after a storm. I strode forward. The movement was welcoming and bittersweet at the same time. Even if I couldn’t be a professional again, I wouldn’t lose my love for skating. I glided on the ice and it was all natural. It felt all good… until my head started spinning and my stomach was threatening to hurl up my lunch.  
Slow down, katsudon. That’s it for today. Go back to the hospital. Get yourself checked and prepare for the lecture you will get. I skated toward the entrance, steadying myself with one hand on the wall. Suddenly, everything turned into a blur and my head was hammering. I closed my eyes, but it didn’t help.  
Everything was going down…  
Down…  
Down. 

Victor’s P.O.V.:  
Worry began to rankle me. I didn’t get one single text from Yuuri today. I wanted to call him, but he didn’t pick up. Later, the phone was turned off. Was something wrong?  
Yurio already got a plane for tomorrow morning and he would be taking care of Yuuri, but I wasn’t quite sure yet. I trusted him, but it wasn’t the same. He didn’t know Yuuri the way I did.  
While Yurio cared about Yuuri the way a rival did, I did it the way a lover did and after a whole day without messages, the lover in me was worried as hell. I opened my booking app and ran out of the apartment. In the elevator, I booked a plane ticket for tomorrow morning. Probably the same one Yurio got. No first class left? Don’t care.  
I winked a taxi by as I ran to the side of the pavement. Sorry Yurio, but this was an issue only a fiancée could handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plus, I want to write a short story! Either it's about a really weird and twisted version of reality, where up is down and love is hate, set in Yuuri's coma.  
> Or a time traveller and reincarnation AU! Tell me!


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